People are welcome to walk into the hospital when in need of care, but not all will be treated equally due to the individual’s disadvantages or advantages. It’s not that doctors are biased towards the patients. It is very seldom that the first priority of the doctors is not the well-being of patients, yet why is there an unequal amount of treatment among people of different groups such as race, income, and social class? By analyzing surveys taken by patients, there is no doubt health disparities are apparent in hospitals. The problem of that roots back to the patient’s privilege. One of the privileges of people with wealth is the ability to communicate more effectively, and though communication between doctors and patients is often overlooked by people, it makes a huge influence on the doctor’s decisions and performance. Therefore, people with strong communication skills are usually able to get the most out of the doctor’s abilities.
Category: x Archive Exercises
Robust Verbs- LBirch
Heroin addicts in Vancover are committing to support their habit. The “free heroin for addicts” program is stopping addicts from commiting crimes. Addicts cannot do daily routines, such as interact with people or do a job. Users will steal and break into houses to get the money for these drugs. But this program will not cure the users addiction, it is only being used to drop the city’s crime rate. This program will keep addicts off the street and out of the hospital as well. Clean and sanitized equipment will replace the unsanitized ones, also keeping hospitals free from unneeded visits. The addiction will not be lost, however the program will keep the city clean.
Robust Verbs- Ugandanknuckles
The “free heroin for addicts” program in Vancouver is doing everything they can to stop addicts, but some are still committing crimes to support their habits. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of their high usage of drugs. Heroin users will do whatever they can to get their hands on the drug, from breaking and entering to stealing. This program isn’t helping ween addicts off of heroin, it’s only trying to save the city from rising crime rates. Although this helps keep heroin users out of the hospital, it is pointless to have hospitals deal with people that want to use drugs or unsanitary needles as they are unable to afford the hospital bills. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible, but this will only help fix the city, not the addictions these people face.
Robust Verbs-Dohertyk9
“There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts. It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.”
1. “There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits.”
The Problem: “There is” is used in this sentence. Also, the sentence in general sounds very weak and doesn’t seem to add much to the argument. Personally, I would not even include a sentence like this in my own essay. It seems to make a claim that the rest of the essay should make obvious.
The Fix: In Vancouver, high crime rates result from heroin addicts’ need to feed their own addictions.
DSH: Completely agree. I wouldn’t use it at all. The weakest sentences say something IS. And the weakest of THOSE say something obvious IS.
2. “The ‘free heroin for addicts’ program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts.”
The Problem: There doesn’t seem to be anything inherently wrong with the sentence, it just seems to make a very obvious claim. One would hope that the “free heroin for addicts” program would try to stop the addicts.
The Fix: Although the “free heroin for addicts” program is actively seeking a solution, there is no easy fix for the problem.
DSH: I like your sentence, but you might be taking too much for granted. At least one sentence will be needed to explain that giving heroin to addicts eliminates their need to rob and steal to feed their habits.
3. “The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts.“
The Problem: “The problem is” essentially sounds the same as “There is”. The writer then further bores the reader with “there is”. Instead of putting in such a useless bunch of words, the writer should eliminate them altogether.
The Fix: A high crime rate exists due to the addicts’ need to afford the costly drug.
DSH: Completely agree with your analysis so far. But then: compare your Sentence 1 with your Sentence 3. They’re virtually identical. Name the high cost of the drug in Sentence 1 and you’re done.
4. “It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives.“
The Problem: Why put “it is obvious that” when it can be cut out completely? In fact, the whole statement should be cut out, if it truly is obvious.
The Fix: Daily lives of addicts are made difficult by their obsession with heroin.
DSH: You’re completely right, but you’re beginning a pattern of passive constructions. What’s the true subject of this sentence: “daily lives” or “obsession with heroin”? As in: Addiction interferes with daily life?
5. “Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using.”
The Problem: The previous sentence already said that daily life is hard. This is simply repetitive. Instead, the writer should focus on how the symptoms affect the individual’s life.
The Fix: Addicts have a general apathy for every day life outside of their addiction, which often results in termination of their career, hostility in existing relationships and an increasing distance from other people.
DSH: Fantastic work. And yes, you can eliminate Sentence 4 if this is your Sentence 5.
6. “By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug.”
The Problem: “By heroin users being addicted” just sounds wrong. Also, it’s obvious that because they are addicts, they are addicted.
The Fix: Addicted heroin users will commit any crime necessary to attain the drug.
DSH: “By heroin users being addicted” sounds wrong for a reason. It’s wrong. There’s no legal grammar construction in which the By can be followed by the subject. It would be stupid but grammatically correct to say here: “By being addicted, heroin users . . . ” followed by something else they do.
7. “The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing.”
The Problem: This wording is awkward. I would rephrase it.
The Fix: Theft and even breaking and entering are not beyond the scope of a desperate addict’s potential infractions.
DSH: Much more effective but also very wordy. If combined with Sentence 6, it could be rendered simply: “Desperate addicts resort to muggings or breaking into houses and cars.”
8. “There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction.”
The Problem: “There are” is used again here. Also this sentence is almost the exact same sentence as the previous one, “…they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug.”
The Fix: No limits exist to an addict; the drug always comes first.
DSH: You’re very good at recognizing the repetitions. I’m hopeful that in a final draft you would eliminate them. (You’ve created a weak “IS” sentence, in the negative. No limits exist.)
9. “The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin.”
The Problem: There isn’t anything particularly wrong with this sentence, it simply lacks interest. Also “The problem with” can be taken out.
The Fix: Despite seeking to keep heroin users off the streets by offering a free, safe method of attaining the drug, the program does not actually help users to stop their addiction.
DSH: Might I suggest the briefer: Despite keeping users off the streets by providing free, safe access to the drug, the program does not reduce addiction.
10: “It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to.”
The Problem: “It is” is used. Also, “that they’re up to” sounds awkward.
The Fix: The sole purpose of the program is to lower the city’s crime rates.
DSH: Yeah.
11. “By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes.”
The Problem: “By providing the drug” simply sounds awkward. Also, it states that providing the drug “will prevent them from committing minor street crimes”. None of these “minor street crimes” have been mentioned; only theft and breaking and entering were mentioned, which aren’t usually considered to be minor.
The Fix: Because the drug is free and accessible through the program, crime will not be necessary for users to attain it.
DSH: This “By” sentence is even worse than the first one. By misplacing the modifier, it claims that addicts provide the drug. You’re right to get rid of it. Identify again the true subject of your sentence. Is it crime? The program? The addicts?
12. “This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital.”
The Problem: There is nothing particularly wrong with this statement, it simply could have been attached to the previous statement.
The Fix: If heroin addicts receive the drug from this program instead of from drug dealers, they will be safer and therefore will require far fewer visits to the hospital.
DSH: Completely agree. I look forward to the sentence in which you combine the claims.
13. “It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug.”
The Problem: “It is” is used. Also, the sentence is simply poorly written.
The Fix: Hospitals should not need to handle patients that have brought illness upon themselves that could have been avoided through the program, especially when patients cannot afford the bills and have intense withdrawals.
DSH: Good so far. I wonder if “Hospitals should not have to absorb the high cost of treating withdrawal” would be a smoother way to start.
14. “This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible.”
The Problem: This sentence seems fine, but fine is boring.
The Fix: The program ensures that addicts have access to free heroin and clean needles, which is far safer than any other place the addicts could get the drug from.
DSH: Completely agree. The heroin is clean too, free of often poisonous impurities that contaminate street drugs.
15. “This will in turn fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.”
The Problem: This sentence lacks interest.
The Fix: The program creates a safer city, but lends no support to the people that are hopelessly addicted to heroin.
DSH: Vast improvement.
The Resulting Paragraph: In Vancouver, high crime rates result from heroin addicts’ need to feed their own addictions. Addicts steal and break into houses and cars for money to buy heroin. The “free heroin for addicts” program provides clean, safe heroin to addicts to prevent them from seeking it on the streets and committing crime to attain it. If heroin addicts receive the drug from this program instead of from drug dealers, they will be safer and therefore will require far fewer visits to the hospital. Hospitals should not be burdened with patients who suffer intense withdrawals and require costly treatment that the patients cannot afford to repay. The program may lower crime rates, but it does nothing to reduce addiction. Addicts have a general apathy for everyday life outside of their addiction, which often results in termination of their career, hostility in existing relationships, and an increasing distance from other people. The program creates a safer city, but lends no support to the people that are hopelessly addicted to heroin.
(I have cut out sentence 3 because even reworded, it seemed unnecessary.)
DSH: Good call. Several other opportunities to eliminate or combine sentences remain.
Robust Verbs – picklerick
There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts. It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.
There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits.
Problem: Weak “there is” clause. Stating that this is a problem is unnecessary and steals from the more powerful point of the sentence.
Fix: Remove the “there is” clause and focus on the main point of the sentence.
Heroin addicts in Vancouver are committing crimes to support their habits.
The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts.
Problem: The word “addicts” was used in the last sentence
Fix: Use “them instead to make it less repetitive.
The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything in their power to stop them.
The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts.
Problem: Weak “there is” clause. Can combine with prev. sentence
Fix: Remove the clause, reword the sentence.
because they’re causing crime rates to skyrocket.
It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using.
Problem: Weak “it is” clause. No need for two sentences for one claim.
Fix: Combine these sentences with the necessary information.
This addiction affects an excess of daily activities in an addict’s life; jobs, interactions, and relationships are all prone to suffer.
By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing.
Problem: The wording is hard to follow. These two sentences can be combined.
Fix: Reword and combine the two sentences.
Users will do whatever they can to get their hands on more heroin, even breaking and entering, and stealing.
There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction.
Problem: Weak “there are” clause
Fix: Remove the clause
They will go anywhere at all to retrieve this drug.
The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to.
Problem: Weak “is” clause. Two sentences for one claim.
Fix: Reword and combine sentences.
Instead of helping wean the addicts off heroin, this program is only focused on saving the city’s crime rates.
By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital.
Problem: Weak phrase, “which in turn will”. Unspecified “them” pronoun. Sentences can be combined. “The hospital” doesn’t really make sense.
Fix: Remove the phrase. Specify “them”. Combine sentences. Change “the hospital” to “hospitals”
By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, preventing the addicts from committing minor street crimes and keeping them out of hospitals.
It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug.
Problem: Weak “it is” clause. “unsanitary needles” and “hard to cope without the drug” is unnecessary information.
Fix: Remove “it is” clause and remove unnecessary information.
These hospitals shouldn’t have to deal with addicts who are unable to afford hospital bills.
This will in turn fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.
Problem: phrase, “in turn” unnecessary
Fix: Remove the phrase.
This will fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.
Heroin addicts in Vancouver are committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything in their power to stop them because they’re causing crime rates to skyrocket. This addiction affects an excess of daily activities in an addict’s life; jobs, interactions, and relationships are all prone to suffer. Users will do whatever they can to get their hands on more heroin, even breaking and entering, and stealing. They will go anywhere at all to retrieve this drug. Instead of helping wean the addicts off heroin, this program is only focused on saving the city’s crime rates. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, preventing the addicts from committing minor street crimes and keeping them out of hospitals. These hospitals shouldn’t have to deal with addicts who are unable to afford hospital bills. This will fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.
Robust Subjects and Verbs – summergirl1999
Robust Subjects and Verbs
Vancouver is encountering a huge problem due to heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The large crime rate is due to the addicts. Addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. Heroin users tend to do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. Popular crimes committed by the addicts are breaking and entering and stealing. There are no limits to where the addicts will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The programs problem is that it does not help ween these addicts off using heroin, the program is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. Programs providing the drug can lead the addicts to clear off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. Drug programs will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. There is not a need for hospitals to have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles, especially when the addicts find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills. The Drug program gives addicts free heroin in the cleanest way possible, to fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.
You’ve made a fair start, SummerGirl, and I appreciate that you posted first to give me a chance for feedback all can share.
I’ve numbered the goals for the assignment here:
- Eliminate repetitious material
- Combine closely related sentences into fluent, single sentences
- Eliminate There is / There are (etc.)
- Eliminate It is / They are (etc.)
- Eliminate Because of the fact that / due to the fact that
- Eliminate wordiness like The problem with this situation is . . . .
- Fix flawed “By verbing . . .” sentences
- Eliminate needless “types of,” “kinds of,” “sort of” language
- Repair pronouns that have unclear antecedents
- Choose the most Robust Subjects and Verbs.
- Introduce a striking visual image or illustration.
- Make every sentence a short argument.
Here I’ve broken your text into sections with recommendations to do additional editing to meet the numbered goals:
In addition, red highlights indicate grammar or punctuation problems.
(5): Vancouver is encountering a huge problem due to heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits.
(9): The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts.
(5)(1): The large crime rate is due to the addicts.
(1)(2): Addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using.
(1)(2): Heroin users tend to do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. Popular crimes committed by the addicts are breaking and entering and stealing.
(3)(6): There are no limits to where the addicts will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction.
(6): The programs problem is that it does not help ween these addicts off using heroin, the program is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to.
(2): Programs providing the drug can lead the addicts to clear off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. Drug programs will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital.
(3)(6)(1): There is not a need for hospitals to have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles, especially when the addicts find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills.
The Drug program gives addicts free heroin in the cleanest way possible, to fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.
Here, I’ve made some edits to demonstrate ways to meet the goals:
In Vancouver, heroin addicts used to commit nuisance crimes to support their habits.
The “free heroin for addicts” program is preventing those crimes.
The large crime rate is due to the addicts.
Addiction interferes with employment and routine daily tasks.
Without a steady supply, addicts will rob, steal, and mug good citizens to feed their addictions.
There are no limits to where the addicts will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction.
The program does not ween addicts from heroin; it only reduces the crime rate.
By providing the addicts clean heroin, the program discourages street crime and keeps addicts out of hospitals.
Clean dispensaries replace bad drugs and unsanitary needles. They also relieve hospitals from unreimbursed emergency room visits.
It doesn’t break the addicts’ habits, but by providing heroin safely, the program does mitigate the problems associated with addiction.
Give it another try for the practice of making strong sentences, SummerGirl. Work on the more ambitious goals if you have the stamina for it.
You can post a second version below these comments. And thank you again for this opportunity to set the bar high.
Safer Saws – PaulaJean5
2. Customers
2A. A testimonial from a SawStop customer: “This saw is everything I imagined the saw to be. It moves easily around in its stand. I feel safe using it.”
2B. This customer claims that the saw lives up to its standards.
2C. Type of claim: Evaluative
2D. I think this claim is valid as he states a reason why the saw is valuable and also adds in personal experience.
11. Amputees
11A. Hobbyist: “I’ve been doing this for years and never been hurt. That evening I spent 14 hours in surgery.”
11B. This individual is claiming that anybody can get hurt no matter how long you have been working with saws.
11C. Type of Claim: Ethical
11D. I think this claim is valid, but not complete. I think there needs more clarification on why the saw helped him. (or would help him)
5. Injured Plaintiffs
5A. “Every year, there are over 40,000 table saw injuries, resulting in more than 4,000 amputations.”
5B. This lawyer claims that out of all of the table saw injuries, 10% of them result in amputations.
5C. Type of Claim: Factual
5D. This claim is reasonable and definitely makes point.
2. Customers
2A. A customer stated, “I’m a happy camper and glad to recommend this saw to anyone. I am an Emergency Physician, and I’ve seen firsthand (no pun intended) several times over what a table saw can do to a hand- most recently last week. I didn’t need much convincing that I wanted a SawStop.”
2B. This customer is claiming that since he is a physician he knows what a table saw injury looks like.
2C. Type of Claim: Evaluative
2D. I think this claim is valid. The customer has experience on both sides of the situation as he is a doctor and uses a saw.
6. Personal Injury Lawyer
6A. “Only 20% of the injuries occur in people who are on the job, where injuries are usually covered by workplace accident insurance.”
6B. This lawyer is making the claim that 20% of the injuries occur in people who are on the job, which means the other 80% will most likely have to pay out of their own pockets for the injury they acquired.
6C. Type of Claim: Factual
6D. This claim is very valid and I think it makes a great point. Majority of the injuries caused by table saws are not going to get money to pay for their hospital costs.
Safer Saws- DudeInTheBack
Analyzing the claims made by Steve Gass (9) in
9a. Steve Gass “…there’s about 60,000 medically treated accidents treated on table saws every year.”
9b. Every year, there is about 60,000 incidents where someone needs medical attention resulting from a table saw accident.
9c. This claim seems factual. If he was making this up, it obviously would not be factual. I would like to see proof of this, but I believe Steve. Its an evaluation of how many people have been effected by table saws, and had to seek medical attention every year.
9d. This seems like a logical claim to make in his case. he is justifying the importance of his invention by giving a fact of why this invention is necessary. if this is true that 60,000 people have had an accident due to table saws every year, it makes sense to push out a safety stopper. A quality claim to show the dangers of table saws.
9a. Steve Gass “The system can tell the difference between your finger and the wood.”
9b. This machine that I invented can tell the difference between a human finger, and a piece of wood.
9c. This claim is an evaluation of what his machine is capable to accomplish. This claim would not hold true if Steve did not put his finger in it as proof later ion the video. Proving his claim, this claim is factual. suggesting it is okay for a finger to be caught in the blade rotation.
9d. This is a claim that seems true, but I would not want to try it out. This claim is only persuasive because he proves it later on. If someone were to show me the blade in full motion, and told me that it would detect a finger and stop, I would not believe it. This claim is also the main aspect of his invention. a machine that is able to detect a finger.
9a. Steve Gass “It felt a little like a, I don’t know, a buzz or a tickle almost.”
9b. When I put my finger in the saw blade, when it stopped it felt like a buzz, or a tickle.”
9c. This is Steve’s opinion. Everyone feels pain differently, and to him, what felt like a buzz or a tickle to someone else might hurt more. This cannot be proved also, only to him it could feel like a buzz. He could also be lying to make his product sell.
9d. considering the fact that Steve put his finger in, and it stopped on a dime, I could believe him. before he said this, the video showed the finger in the blade in slow motion. it did not cut him, nor did he wince when it hit his finger. It looked painless, but it still is not that convincing. It still hits you, and if you’re a person that cant take pain, you might really be unhappy.
CLAIM BY SawStop official company http://www.sawstop.com/why-sawstop/the-technology
1a. SawStop website “The blade carries a small electrical signal, which the safety system continually monitors.”
1b. the blade has a small conductor on each blade, which carries an electrical signal to detect a finger”
1c. This is a fact. the blade has a small conductor, which gets set off when a wet finger comes in contact with it. This is a fact because it can be/ has been proven.
1d. The claim states just what it needs to prove why the system works. The main task the system is responsible for is to conduct electricity to stop. I am fully persuaded that the blade carries a small electrical signal, which the safety system continually monitors.
1a. website “An aluminum brake springs into the spinning blade, stopping it in less than 5 milliseconds!”
1b. An aluminum brake spring can stop the mechanism in less than 5 milliseconds.
1c. This claim seems factual. I would like to see proof of this, but I believe the claim. It is an evaluation of the skillset of the machine. saying that it will stop in less than 5 milliseconds is a big claim, and might not seem believeable, but if it is a fact this is pretty impressive.
1d. This claim is right in the beinning of the website section on how the machine works. I wish I could have proof for these claims, but I just have to take the websites word for it. I guess if they said it took 3 milliseconds to stop, I would also believe it.
PTSD Claims- DudeInTheBack
Part 04
1. Granted, diagnosing PTSD is a tricky thing.
Claim: saying that ptsd diagnosises are tricky. explains in later passage saying how it is tricky
2. the incidence of PTSD goes up with the number of tours and amount of combat experienced.
Claim: does not give proof of this claim
3. As with most psychiatric diagnoses, there are no measurable objective biological characteristics to identify it.
Claim: saying that it cannot be identified with things causing the illness. its all in the brain
4. Doctors have to go on hunches and symptomology rather than definitive evidence.
Claim: should prove that doctors have to go on hunches and don’t have definite evidence to go on
5. Caleb knows that a person whose problem is essentially that he can’t adapt to peacetime Alabama sounds, to many, like a pussy.
Claim: saying calebs situation most people would say he’s a pussy for it.
6. Now if you’re knocked unconscious, or have double vision, or exhibit other signs of a brain injury, you have to rest for a certain period of time
Claim: stating the new rule for safety
7. but that rule didn’t go into effect in theater until 2010, after Caleb was already out of the service.
Claim: showing that the rule was made after calebs service, it could have helped caleb
8. Unlike PTSD, secondary traumatic stress doesn’t have its own entry in the DSM
Claim: secondary traumatic stress cannot enter the brain
- end of one hour
Summaries—summergirl1999
Purposeful Summary by summergirl1999 “The Cruelest Show On Earth” -Deborah Nelson.
It seems counterintuitive that circus’ portray their shows to be the “Greatest Show on Earth”. Elephants are one of the great acts of the circus, they are very intelligent and very loving animals. Elephants have the ability to feel emotion just as much as human beings. Behind the scenes of “The Greatest Show on Earth” the Elephants are not treated with care, more so used as props for the show.
The elephant trainers at the circus sometimes even use bullhooks, whips, and even electric shocks to train these loving animals. Just like human beings, Elephants get sick. Especially, when they are tied up going place to place to perform. Traveling, being tied up, and not being treated properly are ways diseases can occur. When humans are very sick, they go to the doctors to be properly taken care of. Also, humans often relax after being very sick.
Deborah Nelson, the writer of the article “The Cruelest Show On Earth” speaks about the elephants who perform for the circus. Kenny the elephant was one of the performers for the circus. Kenny, got very sick, symptoms being going to the bathroom on the stage floor during one of the shows, and bleeding from areas of his body. Usually, doctors are supposed to help the animal and give it proper treatment. “The Ringling Brothers Circus” brought in someone to give Kenny medicine. Kenny still performed at the next show when he was sick. Kenny the elephant died.
This is no way any animal of any sort should be treated. Elephants have feelings just like us. They are exoctic animals, they needed to be treated properly with care. Although people are starting to become more aware of this problem and giving money to foundations, there needs to be more attention on this huge problem. Circus’ and their trainers are not worthy of being around these great animals. Animals deserve to be treated with care and respect.
“Do Toms Shoes Really Help?” – Kiera Butler
It seems counterintuitive that Toms shoes has a buy one, give one policy. Toms Shoes is a very popular shoe brand in America, selling thousands of shoes to people. They are popular for a couple reasons, one being that their shoes are very fashionable and the second reason being they’re popular policy buy one give one, giving to people in countries that do not have shoes.
There are also many other companies that relatively offer the same policy. Some companies grow more trees, and some companies donate toothbrushes there are probably many other companies that offer that policy. Toms Shoes offer this policy because of many reasons, one being children in other countries who do not have shoes will not be allowed in school. Shoes can make a huge difference if they actually go to where they are needed. But at times that can lead to competition with other local stores.
Kiera Butler speaks about Toms policy and although it is a good deed, it is not as necessary as other things that could be donated. She also speaks on how people in some other countries do have shoes and by sending them to other countries is making marketplace competition.
Toms Shoes policy, is a very kind and thoughtful policy. But if the people of the countries that they are sending shoes are capable of getting them themselves, then Tom’s should not interfere with the local businesses. There are many other things besides shoes that people in other countries need.
“Men Defining Rape: A History” – Erika Eichelberger
It seems counterintuitive that woman have a very strong say on the topic of rape. A lot of men have their opinions about rape. A common question is when it is and is not okay? Thousands of years ago there were also laws about rape. The amount of trouble people got in, depended on the type of woman that has been raped. Husbands could not get in trouble for raping their wives because they were married. Even skin color made a difference, it did not count as rape if the person with had brown skin.
Erika Eichelberger speaks about the different laws of rape, and the misconceptions some men had towards rape. There were many excuses for rape one being “you can’t thread a moving needle”. During the 18th and 19th century, questions of how much proof is necessary for “rape”.
Rape is such a serious and sensitive topic. Rape is a crime and a harm to woman. No excuses for it. Men should not be able to have much say when it comes to the rape laws, or the excuses about rape. There should not be any reasonable excuses of why it happened, or any getting away with it. Rape is a violent crime. Woman and men should stand strong together against rape.
Rowan Counterintuitive 