Robust Verbs- amongothers13

The “free heroin for addicts” program in Vancouver is doing everything they can to stop the addicts because of the increasing number of crimes that addicts cause. They are not hesitant to steal, to break into houses, just to retrieve the heroin that controls their lives. These people have a hard time coping with their day to day lives. By providing the drug to the addicts, they will no longer have to be on the streets, doing anything they can to get their drug, which would result in a decrease of crimes on the street. If people continue to overuse it and wind up in hospitals, there is not much the doctors can do when their patient does not have a way to pay for treatment and squirms in bed in need of their daily fix of heroin. It is a waste of the hospitals time to send them there. This program will give people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. Although this may not fix the addiction that these people face, it will fix the city.

Robust Verbs – DudeInTheBack

People are welcome to walk into the hospital when in need of care, but not all will be treated equally due to the individual’s disadvantages or advantages. It’s not that doctors are biased towards the patients. It is very seldom that the first priority of the doctors is not the well-being of patients, yet why is there an unequal amount of treatment among people of different groups such as race, income, and social class? By analyzing surveys taken by patients, there is no doubt health disparities are apparent in hospitals. The problem of that roots back to the patient’s privilege. One of the privileges of people with wealth is the ability to communicate more effectively, and though communication between doctors and patients is often overlooked by people, it makes a huge influence on the doctor’s decisions and performance. Therefore, people with strong communication skills are usually able to get the most out of the doctor’s abilities.

Robust Verbs- LBirch

Heroin addicts in Vancover are committing to support their habit. The “free heroin for addicts” program is stopping addicts from commiting crimes. Addicts cannot do daily routines, such as interact with people or do a job. Users will steal and break into houses to get the money for these drugs. But this program will not cure the users addiction, it is only being used to drop the city’s crime rate. This program will keep addicts off the street and out of the hospital as well. Clean and sanitized equipment will replace the unsanitized ones, also keeping hospitals free from unneeded visits. The addiction will not be lost, however the program will keep the city clean.

Robust Verbs- Ugandanknuckles

The “free heroin for addicts” program in Vancouver is doing everything they can to stop addicts, but some are still committing crimes to support their habits. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of their high usage of drugs. Heroin users will do whatever they can to get their hands on the drug, from breaking and entering to stealing. This program isn’t helping ween addicts off of heroin, it’s only trying to save the city from rising crime rates. Although this helps keep heroin users out of the hospital, it is pointless to have hospitals deal with people that want to use drugs or unsanitary needles as they are unable to afford the hospital bills. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible, but this will only help fix the city, not the addictions these people face.

Robust Verbs-Dohertyk9

“There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts. It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.”

 

1. “There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits.”

The Problem: “There is” is used in this sentence. Also, the sentence in general sounds very weak and doesn’t seem to add much to the argument. Personally, I would not even include a sentence like this in my own essay. It seems to make a claim that the rest of the essay should make obvious.

The Fix: In Vancouver, high crime rates result from heroin addicts’ need to feed their own addictions.

DSH: Completely agree. I wouldn’t use it at all. The weakest sentences say something IS. And the weakest of THOSE say something obvious IS. 

2. “The ‘free heroin for addicts’ program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts.”

The Problem: There doesn’t seem to be anything inherently wrong with the sentence, it just seems to make a very obvious claim. One would hope that the “free heroin for addicts” program would try to stop the addicts.

The Fix: Although the “free heroin for addicts” program is actively seeking a solution, there is no easy fix for the problem.

DSH: I like your sentence, but you might be taking too much for granted. At least one sentence will be needed to explain that giving heroin to addicts eliminates their need to rob and steal to feed their habits.

3. “The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts.

The Problem: “The problem is” essentially sounds the same as “There is”. The writer then further bores the reader with “there is”. Instead of putting in such a useless bunch of words, the writer should eliminate them altogether.

The Fix: A high crime rate exists due to the addicts’ need to afford the costly drug.

DSH: Completely agree with your analysis so far. But then: compare your Sentence 1 with your Sentence 3. They’re virtually identical. Name the high cost of the drug in Sentence 1 and you’re done.

4.  “It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives.

The Problem: Why put “it is obvious that” when it can be cut out completely? In fact, the whole statement should be cut out, if it truly is obvious.

The Fix: Daily lives of addicts are made difficult by their obsession with heroin.

DSH: You’re completely right, but you’re beginning a pattern of passive constructions. What’s the true subject of this sentence: “daily lives” or “obsession with heroin”? As in: Addiction interferes with daily life?

5. “Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using.”

The Problem: The previous sentence already said that daily life is hard. This is simply repetitive. Instead, the writer should focus on how the symptoms affect the individual’s life.

The Fix: Addicts have a general apathy for every day life outside of their addiction, which often results in termination of their career, hostility in existing relationships and an increasing distance from other people.

DSH: Fantastic work. And yes, you can eliminate Sentence 4 if this is your Sentence 5. 

6. “By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug.”

The Problem: “By heroin users being addicted” just sounds wrong. Also, it’s obvious that because they are addicts, they are addicted.

The Fix: Addicted heroin users will commit any crime necessary to attain the drug.

DSH: “By heroin users being addicted” sounds wrong for a reason. It’s wrong. There’s no legal grammar construction in which the By can be followed by the subject. It would be stupid but grammatically correct to say here: “By being addicted, heroin users . . . ” followed by something else they do.

7. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing.”

The Problem: This wording is awkward. I would rephrase it.

The Fix: Theft and even breaking and entering are not beyond the scope of a desperate addict’s potential infractions.

DSH: Much more effective but also very wordy. If combined with Sentence 6, it could be rendered simply: “Desperate addicts resort to muggings or breaking into houses and cars.”

8. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction.”

The Problem: “There are” is used again here. Also this sentence is almost the exact same sentence as the previous one, “…they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug.”

The Fix: No limits exist to an addict; the drug always comes first.

DSH: You’re very good at recognizing the repetitions. I’m hopeful that in a final draft you would eliminate them. (You’ve created a weak “IS” sentence, in the negative. No limits exist.) 

9. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin.”

The Problem: There isn’t anything particularly wrong with this sentence, it simply lacks interest. Also “The problem with” can be taken out.

The Fix: Despite seeking to keep heroin users off the streets by offering a free, safe method of attaining the drug, the program does not actually help users to stop their addiction.

DSH: Might I suggest the briefer: Despite keeping users off the streets by providing free, safe access to the drug, the program does not reduce addiction.

10: “It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to.”

The Problem: “It is” is used. Also, “that they’re up to” sounds awkward.

The Fix: The sole purpose of the program is to lower the city’s crime rates.

DSH: Yeah. 

11. “By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes.”

The Problem: “By providing the drug” simply sounds awkward. Also, it states that providing the drug “will prevent them from committing minor street crimes”. None of these “minor street crimes” have been mentioned; only theft and breaking and entering were mentioned, which aren’t usually considered to be minor.

The Fix: Because the drug is free and accessible through the program, crime will not be necessary for users to attain it.

DSH: This “By” sentence is even worse than the first one. By misplacing the modifier, it claims that addicts provide the drug. You’re right to get rid of it. Identify again the true subject of your sentence. Is it crime? The program? The addicts?  

12. “This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital.”

The Problem: There is nothing particularly wrong with this statement, it simply could have been attached to the previous statement.

The Fix: If heroin addicts receive the drug from this program instead of from drug dealers, they will be safer and therefore will require far fewer visits to the hospital.

DSH: Completely agree. I look forward to the sentence in which you combine the claims.

13. “It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug.”

The Problem: “It is” is used. Also, the sentence is simply poorly written.

The Fix: Hospitals should not need to handle patients that have brought illness upon themselves that could have been avoided through the program, especially when patients cannot afford the bills and have intense withdrawals.

DSH: Good so far. I wonder if “Hospitals should not have to absorb the high cost of treating withdrawal” would be a smoother way to start.

14. “This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible.”

The Problem: This sentence seems fine, but fine is boring.

The Fix: The program ensures that addicts have access to free heroin and clean needles, which is far safer than any other place the addicts could get the drug from.

DSH: Completely agree. The heroin is clean too, free of often poisonous impurities that contaminate street drugs. 

15. “This will in turn fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.”

The Problem: This sentence lacks interest.

The Fix: The program creates a safer city, but lends no support to the people that are hopelessly addicted to heroin.

DSH: Vast improvement.

The Resulting Paragraph: In Vancouver, high crime rates result from heroin addicts’ need to feed their own addictions. Addicts steal and break into houses and cars for money to buy heroin. The “free heroin for addicts” program provides clean, safe heroin to addicts to prevent them from seeking it on the streets and committing crime to attain it. If heroin addicts receive the drug from this program instead of from drug dealers, they will be safer and therefore will require far fewer visits to the hospital. Hospitals should not be burdened with patients who suffer intense withdrawals and require costly treatment that the patients cannot afford to repay. The program may lower crime rates, but it does nothing to reduce addiction. Addicts have a general apathy for everyday life outside of their addiction, which often results in termination of their career, hostility in existing relationships, and an increasing distance from other people. The program creates a safer city, but lends no support to the people that are hopelessly addicted to heroin.

 

(I have cut out sentence 3 because even reworded, it seemed unnecessary.)
DSH: Good call. Several other opportunities to eliminate or combine sentences remain.

 

 

Robust Verbs – picklerick

There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts. It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city  but not the addiction that these people face.

 

 

There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits.

Problem: Weak “there is” clause. Stating that this is a problem is unnecessary and steals from the more powerful point of the sentence.

Fix: Remove the “there is” clause and focus on the main point of the sentence.

Heroin addicts in Vancouver are committing crimes to support their habits.

 

The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts.

Problem: The word “addicts” was used in the last sentence

Fix: Use “them instead to make it less repetitive.

The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything in their power to stop them.

 

The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts.

Problem: Weak “there is” clause. Can combine with prev. sentence

Fix: Remove the clause, reword the sentence.

because they’re causing crime rates to skyrocket.

 

It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using.

Problem: Weak “it is” clause. No need for two sentences for one claim.

Fix: Combine these sentences with the necessary information.

This addiction affects an excess of daily activities in an addict’s life; jobs, interactions, and relationships are all prone to suffer.

 

By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing.

Problem: The wording is hard to follow. These two sentences can be combined.

Fix: Reword and combine the two sentences.

Users will do whatever they can to get their hands on more heroin, even breaking and entering, and stealing.

 

There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction.

Problem: Weak “there are” clause

Fix: Remove the clause

They will go anywhere at all to retrieve this drug.

 

The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to.

Problem: Weak “is” clause. Two sentences for one claim.

Fix: Reword and combine sentences.

Instead of helping wean the addicts off heroin, this program is only focused on saving the city’s crime rates.

 

By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital.

Problem: Weak phrase, “which in turn will”. Unspecified “them” pronoun. Sentences can be combined. “The hospital” doesn’t really make sense.

Fix: Remove the phrase. Specify “them”. Combine sentences. Change “the hospital” to “hospitals”

By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, preventing the addicts from committing minor street crimes and keeping them out of hospitals.

 

It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug.

Problem: Weak “it is” clause. “unsanitary needles” and “hard to cope without the drug” is unnecessary information.

Fix: Remove “it is” clause and remove unnecessary information.

These hospitals shouldn’t have to deal with addicts who are unable to afford hospital bills.

 

This will in turn fix the city  but not the addiction that these people face.

Problem: phrase, “in turn” unnecessary

Fix: Remove the phrase.

This will fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.

 

Heroin addicts in Vancouver are committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything in their power to stop them because they’re causing crime rates to skyrocket. This addiction affects an excess of daily activities in an addict’s life; jobs, interactions, and relationships are all prone to suffer. Users will do whatever they can to get their hands on more heroin, even breaking and entering, and stealing. They will go anywhere at all to retrieve this drug. Instead of helping wean the addicts off heroin, this program is only focused on saving the city’s crime rates. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, preventing the addicts from committing minor street crimes and keeping them out of hospitals. These hospitals shouldn’t have to deal with addicts who are unable to afford hospital bills. This will fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.

Robust Subjects and Verbs – summergirl1999

Robust Subjects and Verbs

Vancouver is encountering a huge problem due to heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The large crime rate is due to the addicts. Addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. Heroin users tend to do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. Popular crimes committed by the addicts are breaking and entering and stealing.  There are no limits to where the addicts will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The programs problem is that it does not help ween these addicts off using heroin, the program is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. Programs providing the drug can lead the addicts to clear off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. Drug programs will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. There is not a need for hospitals to have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles, especially when the addicts find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills. The Drug program gives addicts free heroin in the cleanest way possible, to fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.


You’ve made a fair start, SummerGirl, and I appreciate that you posted first to give me a chance for feedback all can share.

I’ve numbered the goals for the assignment here:

  1. Eliminate repetitious material
  2. Combine closely related sentences into fluent, single sentences
  3. Eliminate There is / There are (etc.)
  4. Eliminate It is / They are (etc.)
  5. Eliminate Because of the fact that / due to the fact that
  6. Eliminate wordiness like The problem with this situation is . . . .
  7. Fix flawed “By verbing . . .” sentences
  8. Eliminate needless “types of,” “kinds of,” “sort of” language
  9. Repair pronouns that have unclear antecedents
  10. Choose the most Robust Subjects and Verbs.
  11. Introduce a striking visual image or illustration.
  12. Make every sentence a short argument.

Here I’ve broken your text into sections with recommendations to do additional editing to meet the numbered goals:
In addition, red highlights indicate grammar or punctuation problems.

(5): Vancouver is encountering a huge problem due to heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits.

(9): The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts.

(5)(1): The large crime rate is due to the addicts.

(1)(2): Addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using.

(1)(2): Heroin users tend to do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. Popular crimes committed by the addicts are breaking and entering and stealing.

(3)(6): There are no limits to where the addicts will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction.

(6): The programs problem is that it does not help ween these addicts off using heroin, the program is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to.

(2): Programs providing the drug can lead the addicts to clear off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. Drug programs will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital.

(3)(6)(1): There is not a need for hospitals to have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles, especially when the addicts find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills.

The Drug program gives addicts free heroin in the cleanest way possible, to fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.


Here, I’ve made some edits to demonstrate ways to meet the goals:

In Vancouver, heroin addicts used to commit nuisance crimes to support their habits.

The “free heroin for addicts” program is preventing those crimes.

The large crime rate is due to the addicts.

Addiction interferes with employment and routine daily tasks.

Without a steady supply, addicts will rob, steal, and mug good citizens to feed their addictions.

There are no limits to where the addicts will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction.

The program does not ween addicts from heroin; it only reduces the crime rate.

By providing the addicts clean heroin, the program discourages street crime and keeps addicts out of hospitals.

Clean dispensaries replace bad drugs and unsanitary needles. They also relieve hospitals from unreimbursed emergency room visits.

It doesn’t break the addicts’ habits, but by providing heroin safely, the program does mitigate the problems associated with addiction.


Give it another try for the practice of making strong sentences, SummerGirl. Work on the more ambitious goals if you have the stamina for it.

You can post a second version below these comments. And thank you again for this opportunity to set the bar high.