Robust Verbs – picklerick

There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts. It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city  but not the addiction that these people face.

 

 

There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits.

Problem: Weak “there is” clause. Stating that this is a problem is unnecessary and steals from the more powerful point of the sentence.

Fix: Remove the “there is” clause and focus on the main point of the sentence.

Heroin addicts in Vancouver are committing crimes to support their habits.

 

The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts.

Problem: The word “addicts” was used in the last sentence

Fix: Use “them instead to make it less repetitive.

The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything in their power to stop them.

 

The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts.

Problem: Weak “there is” clause. Can combine with prev. sentence

Fix: Remove the clause, reword the sentence.

because they’re causing crime rates to skyrocket.

 

It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using.

Problem: Weak “it is” clause. No need for two sentences for one claim.

Fix: Combine these sentences with the necessary information.

This addiction affects an excess of daily activities in an addict’s life; jobs, interactions, and relationships are all prone to suffer.

 

By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing.

Problem: The wording is hard to follow. These two sentences can be combined.

Fix: Reword and combine the two sentences.

Users will do whatever they can to get their hands on more heroin, even breaking and entering, and stealing.

 

There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction.

Problem: Weak “there are” clause

Fix: Remove the clause

They will go anywhere at all to retrieve this drug.

 

The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to.

Problem: Weak “is” clause. Two sentences for one claim.

Fix: Reword and combine sentences.

Instead of helping wean the addicts off heroin, this program is only focused on saving the city’s crime rates.

 

By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital.

Problem: Weak phrase, “which in turn will”. Unspecified “them” pronoun. Sentences can be combined. “The hospital” doesn’t really make sense.

Fix: Remove the phrase. Specify “them”. Combine sentences. Change “the hospital” to “hospitals”

By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, preventing the addicts from committing minor street crimes and keeping them out of hospitals.

 

It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug.

Problem: Weak “it is” clause. “unsanitary needles” and “hard to cope without the drug” is unnecessary information.

Fix: Remove “it is” clause and remove unnecessary information.

These hospitals shouldn’t have to deal with addicts who are unable to afford hospital bills.

 

This will in turn fix the city  but not the addiction that these people face.

Problem: phrase, “in turn” unnecessary

Fix: Remove the phrase.

This will fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.

 

Heroin addicts in Vancouver are committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything in their power to stop them because they’re causing crime rates to skyrocket. This addiction affects an excess of daily activities in an addict’s life; jobs, interactions, and relationships are all prone to suffer. Users will do whatever they can to get their hands on more heroin, even breaking and entering, and stealing. They will go anywhere at all to retrieve this drug. Instead of helping wean the addicts off heroin, this program is only focused on saving the city’s crime rates. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, preventing the addicts from committing minor street crimes and keeping them out of hospitals. These hospitals shouldn’t have to deal with addicts who are unable to afford hospital bills. This will fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.

This entry was posted in E11: Robust Subjects and Verbs, picklerick. Bookmark the permalink.

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