E10: But Enough About You

Eliminate 2nd Person

I’ve said many times that in this class the use of 2nd person language (you, your, yours, yourself, yourselves) is an error to be avoided, one which, in fact, could fail a paper. Most of you either never used “you” speech in academic writing or have successfully expunged it. Some are still using it though, and everyone can benefit from tips on how to successfully work around the most common abuses of “you.”

Text Riddled with 2nd Person Language

Money seems to have a big role in our society; you can’t do much or get far if you don’t have any. Money is valuable in different ways, even when you don’t see it physically. In today’s society you must have faith in the government and in the banking system that your money is being handled in the proper manner; if not, then you would have to hide all of your money under your mattress or around your house. I have no clue what happens in the banks, or how they take care of your money. I always thought money was simple; you either have some or you don’t—that’s it. However, being introduced to this assignment, the Yap Fei, US gold, French francs, Brazilian cruzeros, and debit accounts now seem similar. You don’t actually see your money being transferred. When you get paid, you aren’t handed cash, you don’t receive a physical check, the money’s all directly transferred to your bank account, and you just have to trust that you got more money.

Model Revisions for the First Sentence

Original Text

Money seems to have a big role in our society; you can’t do much or get far if you don’t have any.

Replace with First Person

Money seems to have a big role in our society; we can’t do much or get far if we don’t have any.

Convert Active Verbs to Passive Verbs

Money has such a big role in our society that not much gets done without it.

Replace Pronouns with nouns

The rich get things done in our society while the poor are powerless.

Eliminate People

Money, without which nothing gets done, drives our society.

In-Class Instructions

Open a New Post titled “Enough About You-Username”
Copy and paste the paragraph about money into your post.
Edit it to remove all 2nd-person language.
Then make the most elegant additional edits you can.
Publish in two categories: Enough About You and your Username.

Don’t use the Reply field below.

Then open any of your own posts that require editing and spend the rest of the period making improvements to your own work.