Robust Subjects and Verbs – summergirl1999

Robust Subjects and Verbs

Vancouver is encountering a huge problem due to heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The large crime rate is due to the addicts. Addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. Heroin users tend to do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. Popular crimes committed by the addicts are breaking and entering and stealing.  There are no limits to where the addicts will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The programs problem is that it does not help ween these addicts off using heroin, the program is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. Programs providing the drug can lead the addicts to clear off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. Drug programs will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. There is not a need for hospitals to have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles, especially when the addicts find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills. The Drug program gives addicts free heroin in the cleanest way possible, to fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.


You’ve made a fair start, SummerGirl, and I appreciate that you posted first to give me a chance for feedback all can share.

I’ve numbered the goals for the assignment here:

  1. Eliminate repetitious material
  2. Combine closely related sentences into fluent, single sentences
  3. Eliminate There is / There are (etc.)
  4. Eliminate It is / They are (etc.)
  5. Eliminate Because of the fact that / due to the fact that
  6. Eliminate wordiness like The problem with this situation is . . . .
  7. Fix flawed “By verbing . . .” sentences
  8. Eliminate needless “types of,” “kinds of,” “sort of” language
  9. Repair pronouns that have unclear antecedents
  10. Choose the most Robust Subjects and Verbs.
  11. Introduce a striking visual image or illustration.
  12. Make every sentence a short argument.

Here I’ve broken your text into sections with recommendations to do additional editing to meet the numbered goals:
In addition, red highlights indicate grammar or punctuation problems.

(5): Vancouver is encountering a huge problem due to heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits.

(9): The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts.

(5)(1): The large crime rate is due to the addicts.

(1)(2): Addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using.

(1)(2): Heroin users tend to do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. Popular crimes committed by the addicts are breaking and entering and stealing.

(3)(6): There are no limits to where the addicts will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction.

(6): The programs problem is that it does not help ween these addicts off using heroin, the program is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to.

(2): Programs providing the drug can lead the addicts to clear off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. Drug programs will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital.

(3)(6)(1): There is not a need for hospitals to have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles, especially when the addicts find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills.

The Drug program gives addicts free heroin in the cleanest way possible, to fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.


Here, I’ve made some edits to demonstrate ways to meet the goals:

In Vancouver, heroin addicts used to commit nuisance crimes to support their habits.

The “free heroin for addicts” program is preventing those crimes.

The large crime rate is due to the addicts.

Addiction interferes with employment and routine daily tasks.

Without a steady supply, addicts will rob, steal, and mug good citizens to feed their addictions.

There are no limits to where the addicts will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction.

The program does not ween addicts from heroin; it only reduces the crime rate.

By providing the addicts clean heroin, the program discourages street crime and keeps addicts out of hospitals.

Clean dispensaries replace bad drugs and unsanitary needles. They also relieve hospitals from unreimbursed emergency room visits.

It doesn’t break the addicts’ habits, but by providing heroin safely, the program does mitigate the problems associated with addiction.


Give it another try for the practice of making strong sentences, SummerGirl. Work on the more ambitious goals if you have the stamina for it.

You can post a second version below these comments. And thank you again for this opportunity to set the bar high. 

This entry was posted in E11: Robust Subjects and Verbs, SummerGirl. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Robust Subjects and Verbs – summergirl1999

  1. davidbdale says:

    Thank you for going first, SummerGirl. I’ve made Notes directly inside your post.

    Like

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