Summaries—summergirl1999

Purposeful Summary by summergirl1999 “The Cruelest Show On Earth” -Deborah Nelson.

It seems counterintuitive that circus’ portray their shows to be the “Greatest Show on Earth”. Elephants are one of the great acts of the circus, they are very intelligent and very loving animals. Elephants have the ability to feel emotion just as much as human beings. Behind the scenes of “The Greatest Show on Earth” the Elephants are not treated with care, more so used as props for the show.

The elephant trainers at the circus sometimes even use bullhooks, whips, and even electric shocks to train these loving animals. Just like human beings, Elephants get sick. Especially, when they are tied up going place to place to perform. Traveling, being tied up, and not being treated properly are ways diseases can occur. When humans are very sick, they go to the doctors to be properly taken care of. Also, humans often relax after being very sick.

Deborah Nelson, the writer of the article “The Cruelest Show On Earth” speaks about the elephants who perform for the circus. Kenny the elephant was one of the performers for the circus. Kenny, got very sick, symptoms being going to the bathroom on the stage floor during one of the shows, and bleeding from areas of his body. Usually, doctors are supposed to help the animal and give it proper treatment. “The Ringling Brothers Circus” brought in someone to give Kenny medicine. Kenny still performed at the next show when he was sick. Kenny the elephant died.

This is no way any animal of any sort should be treated. Elephants have feelings just like us. They are exoctic animals, they needed to be treated properly with care. Although people are starting to become more aware of this problem and giving money to foundations, there needs to be more attention on this huge problem. Circus’ and their trainers are not worthy of being around these great animals. Animals deserve to be treated with care and respect.

“Do Toms Shoes Really Help?” – Kiera Butler

It seems counterintuitive that Toms shoes has a buy one, give one policy. Toms Shoes is a very popular shoe brand in America, selling thousands of shoes to people. They are popular for a couple reasons, one being that their shoes are very fashionable and the second reason being they’re popular policy buy one give one, giving to people in countries that do not have shoes.

There are also many other companies that relatively offer the same policy. Some companies grow more trees, and some companies donate toothbrushes there are probably many other companies that offer that policy. Toms Shoes offer this policy because of many reasons, one being children in other countries who do not have shoes  will not be allowed in school. Shoes can make a huge difference if they actually go to where they are needed. But at times that can lead to competition with other local stores.

Kiera Butler speaks about Toms policy and although it is a good deed, it is not as necessary as other things that could be donated. She also speaks on how people in some other countries do have shoes and by sending them to other countries is making marketplace competition.

Toms Shoes policy, is a very kind and thoughtful policy. But if the people of the countries that they are sending shoes are capable of getting them themselves, then Tom’s should not interfere with the local businesses. There are many other things besides shoes that people in other countries need.

“Men Defining Rape: A History” – Erika Eichelberger

It seems counterintuitive that woman have a very strong say on the topic of rape. A lot of men have their opinions about rape. A common question is when it is and is not okay? Thousands of years ago there were also laws about rape. The amount of trouble people got in, depended on the type of woman that has been raped. Husbands could not get in trouble for raping their wives because they were married. Even skin color made a difference, it did not count as rape if the person with had brown skin.

Erika Eichelberger speaks about the different laws of rape, and the misconceptions  some men had towards rape. There were many excuses for rape one being “you can’t thread a moving needle”. During the 18th and 19th century, questions of how much proof is necessary for “rape”.

Rape is such a serious and sensitive topic. Rape is a crime and a harm to woman. No excuses for it. Men should not be able to have much say when it comes to the rape laws, or the excuses about rape. There should not be any reasonable excuses of why it happened, or any getting away with it. Rape is a violent crime. Woman and men should stand strong together against rape.

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4 Responses to Summaries—summergirl1999

  1. davidbdale says:

    This is a good strong first draft, Summergirl. And I thank you for posting it early. Very likely your classmates will be watching to see how the assignment is handled and what sort of reaction you get. I appreciate the opportunity to share my notes with you and with them.

    A strong claim of counterintuitivity would make clear to your readers why the situation conflicts with our expectations. By the end of your first paragraph, you hint at the terms of that conflict, but you could help your readers much earlier by guiding them to the conclusion you hope they’ll draw.

    You say:

    It seems counterintuitive that circus’ portray their shows to be the “Greatest Show on Earth”.

    But there’s nothing obviously counterintuitive about that claim in itself. Circuses are pretty awesome and a little hyperbole in advertising is understandable. What you MEAN is revealed in the fourth sentence: They treat their stars—the elephants—like crap. And there’s nothing great about that.

    So now that we understand what’s counterintuitive about the situation, take the opportunity in just a few words to share that with readers immediately. You can withhold details to keep the suspense in play, but you need to set the hook that keeps them reading.

    How about this first sentence:

    It seems counterintuitive that the stars of the “Greatest Show on Earth,” are living through hell on earth.

    After that, be sure every sentence reinforces the basic claim of your paragraph:

    Elephants, the biggest stars of the circus, are intelligent, loving animals worthy of respect. They understand neglect just as much as human beings. Behind the scenes of “The Greatest Show on Earth,” the elephants are maltreated, neglected, treated more like props than prized performers.

    The material is that same as yours but with subtle changes that reinforce the message in every sentence.
    —They’re intelligent and loving (so they deserve to be treated as such).
    —They feel emotion just like human beings (so they know when they’re being neglected and abused) (and the humans who care for them should feel terrible about their treatment).

    I hope this is useful guidance.

    Now for a couple of essential Grammar and Punctuation notes.
    1. Periods and Commas ALWAYS go inside the quotation marks.
    —“Greatest Show on Earth.”
    2. You need some transvestite hermaphroditic semicolons for the sentences you write.
    —Elephants are one of the great acts of the circus (SEMICOLON OR PERIOD) they are very intelligent and very loving animals.

    This would be a good time for you to tell me if you appreciate this degree of feedback, find it helpful, or are overwhelmed and discouraged by it, SummerGirl.

    Please respond. Thanks!

    Like

    • summergirl1999 says:

      Hello, Thank you so much for your feedback! It was very helpful! Taylor Arbitman

      On Thu, Jan 25, 2018 at 5:20 PM Rowan Counterintuitive wrote:

      >

      Like

  2. davidbdale says:

    I should have mentioned as a reminder that, since you posted early inviting feedback, you’re encouraged to revise and improve your work before the deadline (and after). Work in this class can always be improved, even after initial grading.

    Like

  3. davidbdale says:

    When you edit, SummerGirl, and I think you should, be sure to put your post into the SummerGirl category.

    Like

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