Visual Rewrite- phillygirl

:00- :04         There is three boys and a man, possibly their father, dancing inside of a home. It looks like their in the dining room. The front door is open and the weather is nice out. So I’m assuming that they may have been outside earlier this day. and now they’re inside. Or maybe they’re about to leave out in a few. They’re all wearing sweat pants, so they probably just got done playing a sport or probably about to go out to play. The father is showing the youngest boy how to do a certain dance. While the two oldest are dancing around with each other.

:05-:06       There is now a game console on the TV stand. So maybe they just got done playing a video game or about to start playing. The father kicks his leg up while pointing at the youngest son as if he’s trying to show him a certain that he’s amazed by how he is dancing. The father and his kids are clearly excited and enjoying their time dancing together.

:07-:10         The youngest son in the front and his father are having a dance battle, while the two oldest boys are still dancing together. The father turn is now over, so it’s the youngest son turn to dance.

:11-:16          The youngest son is still dancing against his father. While the dad is covering his mouth showing the son that his dance moves are hot!

:17-:21        The words “it only takes a moment to make a moment” appears on the screen. As the words pop up, they are all enjoying a good laugh in the background.

:22          All of the boys and their father continues to dance and laugh together and the dad is staring at them with a loving look.

:23-:30       The words “Take time out to be a dad” appears on the screen.

Without music- The video’s purpose was made perfectly without the need of music. They showed a father having a good time spending quality time with his children. The point of showing other dads what it is like to spend time out with their children was understood successfully with or without music. The setting and the background that this scene was shot gave enough detail to the audience so that they could tell what the video’s about even without sound.

2 thoughts on “Visual Rewrite- phillygirl”

  1. You haven’t provided a link to your video as I requested, PhillyGirl, so to be any help to you I’ll have to go find it if I can.

    This looks right:

    Please put a link to this video, if it’s the right one, in your post.

    I’ve been clear, I think, about the several goals you’re to pursue in this assignment. You’re to provide all the details needed for your reader to visualize the video for themselves. You’re to assume that everything in the video is deliberate—that the director could have cast different actors, dressed them differently, set them in a different setting, chosen different lighting, or times of day, etc., etc., etc.

    The video is an argument, like a good essay. The director/author wants to convince you to believe something, buy something, do something. Your job is to convey all this information, about the visuals, the author’s intentions, the effectiveness of her choices, to a reader who can’t see the video for herself.

    You accomplish a good bit, it seems, in the first entry (0:00-0:04), but I haven’t watched it yet. I’m going to do that now and report on what I see.

    0:00. For a full second, the screen is black. This is unusual. No filmmaker who had a 30-second budget would squander an entire second with no visual at all. That can only mean that there is a sound track conveying information. We aren’t analyzing the sounds for this visual assessment, but it’s pretty certain the audience for this video is hearing something important.

    0:01. Now the screen is dominated by a single line of text identifying the time frame for the video: Sunday 2:24 PM. Significantly no year is given. So this is ANY Sunday afternoon. Not a TUESDAY afternoon, when most adults are working, but a weekend afternoon, a traditional DAY OFF, and a day when people are most likely at home, with family, or out with friends. It could be otherwise, but until we see different evidence, we can assume we’ll be viewing a leisure-time activity (or maybe a household chore).

    0:02. Nothing visual occurs for an entire second. We can only conclude that something significant is occurring in the soundtrack.

    0:03. At the very end of :02, a scene fades in from black. It’s a home interior. The front door is wide open, swung completely into the room and against the front wall. The storm door is closed, but all glass, so that very bright sunlight shines into the room, backlighting three boys who stand clustered in the room, wearing socks, all facing the middle-aged man we assume to be their dad.

    (We assume so because it’s the default condition for men and boys in a media presentation. He could be a coach, or their teacher, or an uncle, but until we learn otherwise, we just automatically assume dad. Most unrelated men would not have three boys in their homes, most boys would be uncomfortable being in an unrelated man’s home. The math is simple.)

    The home is not lavish but has some nice features. The hardwood floors indicate prosperity. But the furnishings are simple, and the decorations are certainly not upscale. The armchair and sofa in the room indicate it’s the living room. The house has no foyer. The window treatments are simple. The family, if this is a family, is not poor, but neither are they rich. The kids are dressed in T-shirts, as if the weather is warm, but the snowman decoration on the wall suggests it might be the Christmas season. Maybe they live in California or Florida where the temperatures in December can be very warm.

    0:04. Dad is in mocassins; the kids are in socks. They are not planning to go outdoors. They are having an afternoon at home. Dad is back-stepping to music we do not hear, bouncing on his heels and toes, executing a dance step that might be a club dance, but which could also be part of a sideline cheer or end zone celebration dance. The boys are watching carefully, and one is trying to emulate the step, copying it from dad. Dad is heavily bearded but short-haired, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and on his left wrist a watch. Home. Casual. Sunday with the boys. In just one second, he appears both happy and a bit of a showoff. He thinks has has moves. He’s enjoying sharing them with his kids.

    Do you see what we’re doing here, PhillyGirl? There is so much to see in a single frame. You have the benefit of watching it; your reader does not. Share everything you see, everything you judge it to mean.

    Respond please.


  2. PhillyGirl, I see that your approach was to ignore the extraordinary effort I took to provide you feedback but instead move this unimproved post into your Portfolio and ask for a grade. Grade provided.


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