Robust Verbs – rainbow987

There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts. It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.

Revised with Robust Verbs:

In Vancouver, heroin addicts often commit crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program attempts to do everything it can to stop the addicts. Unfortunately, the large crime rate due to the addicts proves problematic. Addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Addicts struggle with daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships. Heroin users will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. Users may commit crimes such as breaking and entering or stealing. The program won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. The program only helps to save the city from rising crime rates. Addicts will be off the streets if given the drug, resulting in a lower number of street crimes. In addition, less heroin users require hospitalization. Hospitals should not have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles.The program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. The idea of the program helps to fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.

This entry was posted in E11: Robust Subjects and Verbs, rainbow. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Robust Verbs – rainbow987

  1. davidbdale says:

    This is very impressive, Rainbow. You’ve eliminated most of the weak verbs, reduced repetition, and placed emphasis where it belongs. Ready for Round Two?

    Within the brackets, identify and eliminate the repetitive material. For example, if I say in one sentence, “I decided to start a family,” and in the same paragraph say, “I started a family,” odds are pretty good I don’t have to mention having made the decision.

    [In Vancouver, heroin addicts often commit crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program attempts to do everything it can to stop the addicts. Unfortunately, the large crime rate due to the addicts proves problematic.]
    [Addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Addicts struggle with daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships.]
    [Heroin users will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. Users may commit crimes such as breaking and entering or stealing.]
    [The program won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. The program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. The idea of the program helps to fix the city but not the addiction that these people face.]
    [The program only helps to save the city from rising crime rates. Addicts will be off the streets if given the drug, resulting in a lower number of street crimes.]
    [In addition, less heroin users require hospitalization. Hospitals should not have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles.]

    Once you’ve streamlined your sentences to eliminate the repetitiveness, you can reorganize them for better flow.
    Score so far 3/3.
    You can earn a rare 4th point with a revision.
    Put this in the Grade Please category if you do revise.

    Like

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