Imagine your body being consumed by a drug. You would do anything to get this drug and you don’t worry about the consequences that come with it. Have you ever wondered what a clean life is like? One where you are fixing your habits. Well Vancouver, is trying to help the heroin problem in the area by giving addicts clean heroin and a safe way to use them. The doctors hope that this will help.
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Rowan Counterintuitive 
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—DSH
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You’ve chosen a strategy that forces you to use the banned 2nd person. I don’t know how to advise you to avoid saying “you” to your reader when you begin by instructing them what to imagine. It seems unavoidable.
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Imagine your body being consumed by a drug. You would do anything to get this drug and you don’t worry about the consequences that come with it. Have you ever wondered what a clean life is like? One where you are fixing your habits. Well Vancouver, is trying to help the heroin problem in the area by giving addicts clean heroin and a safe way to use them. The doctors hope that this will help.
“help the heroin problem” is just the sort of phrase that keeps arguments from being persuasive, I’m afraid. You repeat it a sentence later with “Doctors hope this will help.”
Let’s get specific.
An addict’s body and spirit are consumed by a drug. He will rob, steal, burglarize, harm anyone, prostitute himself, take and sell anything to get the money for drugs. Addiction and the accompanying sickness keep him from finding a way to health, and most cities treat their addicts with neglect if not contempt instead of assistance. Well Vancouver, is radically different. The city is providing clean, free heroin to confirmed addicts in an attempt to eliminate all the ancillary problems of addiction. Doctors know it won’t cure the addiction, but it will keep addicts healthy.
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Ignored feedback.
Grade -1
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