Casual Argument Rewrite- paTricKStar123

College is a place where we go to further enhance our education. This is where students come to learn more about themselves and choose their career paths for the future. This set environment could be very intimidating. For most students they go to dorm to gain the experience of living on their own. While this may seem fun and exciting many leave their families and friends and come to college only knowing a handful of people. there are many stressors  that come with college. While some may argue that stress is a normal life process that everyone goes through. the only difference that people fail to mention is that there are two different types of stressors. The first is called Challenge stressors or commonly known as Eustress. This is the stress that pushes you to reach your goals and go past your limits. This encourages students to rise up to new challenges and bring new ideas and concept to our ever growing world.

On the other hand for students who are unprepared to meet these challenges that quickly arrive with growing up and going to college; these challenges can be draining. Not only can they inhibit your educational performance but also make it hard to be social. The focus is mostly on students who live on campus; As these are the students who left their homes to seek further education and try to establish a new home at their university. “According to a 2013 American Psychological Association survey, about one-third of college students have experienced depression within the past year and had difficulty functioning because of it”. Depression and anxiety are one of the most common mental illnesses you can see on campus. Students reported  bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, substance abuse or addiction, and “other addictions.” Colleges fail in helping because they rarely promote their services. furthermore no one wants to seem different and or judged so but making these services seem not welcoming most students will hesitate to go.

The traditional colleges offer mental health counseling but really only say things about about counseling during the orientation after that nothing else. Universities fail to tell students how they can cope with stress and don’t explain how you can distinguish between Eustress and Distress. instead, they warn you about substances you may encounter and give numbers for services to call but the problem is many Students are nervous and don’t want to feel weird about going to having problems. the majority of Community college students are commuters and do not live on campus.  Even so, Just because It is a Community College they should still offer some sort of treatment just in case students need help. Although it is understandable students may need someone to talk to and with these interpersonal actions it makes Students who do need help struggle more and possibly put them at risk of dropping out. With the expensive tuition College students pay don’t you believe they deserve the accommodations to be able to live a good life and be able to focus on their futures.

As a Student who went to both community college and a traditional university i can say community colleges fail to even mention this. Through a whole semester of taking classes i have not had any health services or clubs. The reason i believe so is because of the budget community colleges have. Also the majority of Community college students are commuters and do not live on campus.  Even so, Just because It is a Community College they should still offer some sort of treatment just in case students need help. although it is understandable students may need someone to talk to and with these interpersonal actions it makes Students who do need help struggle more and possibly put them at risk of dropping out. what we can do it promote with incentives just like any other clubs or services on campus. For those who come out to our events and participate get free gear or food. this ensures we get people to participate and not feel weird about it. many students will be able to come out learn about the service and get rewarded instead of getting  flyer and presentation only in the beginning of  the school year. we should also hold seminars and classes for mindfulness or mediation.  while mindfulness can be difficult to achieve and results vary from person to person, it can help students remain focused and calm. the way mindfulness can help is for students who used negative coping methods such as self harm, substance and alcohol abuse, or even have bad reoccurring thoughts , it can allow you to change your personality and curve your impulses. “This suggests that for individuals who observe in a non-reactive manner, observation may relate to lower levels of substance use.” This doesn’t have to be for those who are seeking help which is great because no one is singled out. Second, it allows for students to be able to learn these skill and use them virtually everywhere.

To summarize as a whole we need to speak up to improve our universities goal of helping its students. The rising increase from year’s statistics show that students with mental illness is alarming. Throughout the years these students have suffered and deserve to be help. We pay thousands of dollars to go to a university in hope of bettering our education so it is there responsibility of holding us in a safe environment to do so. That being said , the education system should do everything in there power to help these students achieve their goals because without help tragedy can occur. Not only can students harm other but themselves. Furthermore, to lower the amount of incidences we need to let students know there is help.

References

Bowen, S. (03/2014). Relationship between dispositional mindfulness and substance use: Findings from a clinical sampleElsevier.10.1016/j.addbeh.2013.10.026

Katz, D. (2013). Community college student mental health: A comparative analysis (Order No. 3572817). Available from ProQuest Dissertations & Theses Global. (1434835907).

Moise, G. (2014). Good stress or bad stress? relationships between stress appraisals and strains in health care practitioners (Order No. 3630437). Available from ProQuest Dissertations & Theses Global. (1563382680).

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One Response to Casual Argument Rewrite- paTricKStar123

  1. davidbdale says:

    You haven’t said what kind of feedback you want, PS, and I recall that we did some feedback together on your early draft of this argument, so I’m going to start with some stylistic advice, assuming you’re at the “final polish” stage. If I’m wrong to assume that, let me know. I’m sure I could offer advice about your argument strategy or your use of sources as well.

    Your first paragraph:

    College is a place where we go to further enhance our education. This is where students come to learn more about themselves and choose their career paths for the future. This set environment could be very intimidating. For most students they go to dorm to gain the experience of living on their own. While this may seem fun and exciting many leave their families and friends and come to college only knowing a handful of people. there are many stressors that come with college. While some may argue that stress is a normal life process that everyone goes through. the only difference that people fail to mention is that there are two different types of stressors. The first is called Challenge stressors or commonly known as Eustress. This is the stress that pushes you to reach your goals and go past your limits. This encourages students to rise up to new challenges and bring new ideas and concept to our ever growing world.

    Several small issues jump right out. You fail to capitalize the first word of two of your sentences. You’ve also written an obvious fragment. Those obvious errors indicate that you’re not proofreading your work well. If you looked at the paragraph closely, you would see these errors immediately. Therefore, I will point out even things you should be seeing yourself, along with more sophisticated advice for improvements.

    College is a place where we go to further enhance our education. This is where students come to learn more about themselves and choose their career paths for the future.

    You start by confusing us with two sets of subjects. WE go to college in the first sentence. STUDENTS go to college in the second. You need to decide whether you’re writing as an observer or as a student. I’m going to choose for you because the first person plural is such a useful tool for making friends with your readers.

    College is a place we come to enhance our education, to learn more about ourselves, and to choose our career paths.

    Moving on:

    This set environment could be very intimidating. For most students they go to dorm to gain the experience of living on their own. While this may seem fun and exciting many leave their families and friends and come to college only knowing a handful of people. there are many stressors that come with college.

    Your last sentence needs to start with a capital letter. Your construction: “For most students they” is a classic misplaced modifier. A legal sentence would start, “For most students, college.” No sentence should start with There is, or There are, or It is, or They are, if you can avoid it. Certainly not more than once in a paragraph. Your “only” is in the wrong place to modify “a handful.”

    While most students choose on-campus housing to gain the experience of living on our own, dorm life be an intimidating environment. Yes, it’s fun and exciting to leave family and friends, and arrive at college knowing only a handful of people, but it’s also stressful.

    You seem to favor “While X, nevertheless Y” sentences. They can be useful, but if you use them for every claim, you appear to be wishy-washy, uncertain of your own position.

    While some may argue that stress is a normal life process that everyone goes through. the only difference that people fail to mention is that there are two different types of stressors.

    Again your sentence needs an initial capital. Also, only one of these constructions is a sentence. The one beginning with “while” is a fragment. You’ve chosen the singular pronoun “everyone,” which can create problems of subject/verb agreement. The safer choice is the plural “all students.” We won’t have to choose between “him” and “her.” Plus, we’re already using “us” and “we.”

    Stress is a normal life process, and all freshmen will experience it. One type makes us more productive; the other can be debilitating.

    This Promise you’ve just made may not be necessary, depending on what follows. Perhaps we can incorporate the promise and its fulfillment.

    The first is called Challenge stressors or commonly known as Eustress. This is the stress that pushes you to reach your goals and go past your limits. This encourages students to rise up to new challenges and bring new ideas and concept to our ever growing world.

    Your singular “is” and plural “stressors” will bother careful readers. Your desire to capitalize Challenge stressors and Eustress is understandable but grammatically incorrect. You could use italics or quotation marks to emphasize the new term the first time you use it. We’ve banned 2nd-person language in this course, so you’ll have to edit out all “you” speech. A hyphen is needed for ever-growing world.

    “Challenge stress,” also known as “eustress,” pushes students beyond our fears to reach our goals, encouraging us to bring new ideas to our ever-growing world.

    Apparently you’re delivering on only half of your Promise. The prior sentences warned of bad stress, but you’re devoting the end of your paragraph to naming and describing only good stress.

    Now to put together the pieces before a final polish:

    College is a place we come to enhance our education, to learn more about ourselves, and to choose our career paths. While most students choose on-campus housing to gain the experience of living on our own, dorm life be an intimidating environment. Yes, it’s fun and exciting to leave family and friends, and arrive at college knowing only a handful of people, but it’s also stressful. Stress is a normal life process, and all freshmen will experience it. One type makes us more productive; the other can be debilitating. “Challenge stress,” also known as “eustress,” pushes students beyond our fears to reach our goals, encouraging us to bring new ideas to our ever-growing world.

    Much better, I think. I hope you’ll agree. But one last pass can make us better tour guides. Let readers know the destination, guide them through the steps. Arrive together.

    College is a place we come to enhance our education, to learn more about ourselves, and to choose our career paths. None of that happens without stress. While most students choose on-campus housing to gain the experience of living on our own, dorm life be a stressful, intimidating environment. Yes, it’s fun and exciting to leave family and friends, and arrive at college knowing only a handful of people, but it also subjects us to a normal life process known as “challenge stress” or “eustress.” Unlike negative stress that can be debilitating, eustress pushes students beyond our fears to reach our goals, encouraging us to bring new ideas to our ever-growing world, like how to get along with a roommate we don’t like.

    If that’s not the sort of feedback you desire, PS, please ask specifically in a Reply below and put your post back into Feedback Please.

    Like

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