Robust Verbs- Theadmiral

In Vancouver, a huge problem with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits has ARISEN. Although crime rates are at an all time high because of these addicts, the “free heroin for addicts” program has aided in helping people with this addiction. For an addict, getting through the day can be hard because their addiction is so strong, and often makes it difficult to interact in their places of work, with friends, and have relationships. Because their addiction cannot be broken, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. Breaking and entering, and theft are only some of the crimes these users will commit for their fix. No limits exist as to where they will go to retrieve this drug so their addiction can be fed. Even though the program has the right idea, and helping out the crime rates, we are not helping those addicted to heroin. By providing drugs to users, they will not have to commit the minor crimes for money or drugs. The “free heroin for addicts” program will also provide needles and a safe using environment, so the hospitals do not have to get involved. The program will help clean up the city of Vancouver, but not the lives of users.

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2 Responses to Robust Verbs- Theadmiral

  1. davidbdale says:

    Some very weak verbs here, TheAdmiral, among other needed changes.

    In Vancouver, there is a huge problem with heroin addict committing crimes to support their habits. Although crime rate is high because of these addicts, the “free heroic for addicts” program is doing everything they can to help these people out. For an addict, it is hard to get through a day without using because their addiction is so strong, and it makes it difficult to interact in their places of work, with friends, and have relationships. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. Breaking and entering, and theft are only some of the crimes these users will commit for their fix. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. Even though the program has the right idea, it is only helping out the crime rates, and not the people that are addicted to heroin. By providing drugs to users, they will not have to commit the minor crimes for money or drugs. This program will also provide needles and a safe using environment, so the hospitals do not have to get involved. This program will help clean up the city of Vancouver, but not the lives of users.

    Score so far 1/3
    Put into Grade Please category if you revise.

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  2. davidbdale says:

    Still some weak verbs here, TheAdmiral, marked in orange. Improvements also; enough to raise this small grade from 1/3 to 2/3. Can you see how much the blue material repeats its claims, and the green material, and the burgundy? All can and should be reduced for additional impact. Taking another pass at this would be very good practice. I’d be happy to see another draft.

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