Robust Verbs-Flyerfan1974

A huge problem has surfaced in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem with the program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. The program is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates. The program provides the drug, keeping addicts off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. Hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. The program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. The crime problem in the city will be solved, but not the addiction that these people face.

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One Response to Robust Verbs-Flyerfan1974

  1. davidbdale says:

    A huge problem has surfaced in Vancouver WITH heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits.
    —Is the problem the addicts? “with heroin addicts” does not make the connection clear. It’s that surfacing that has to go, right? Once the surfacing is gone, the sentence is cleaner.

    In Vancouver, heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habit are a huge problem.

    But what’s the problem exactly? It’s a few sentences later, all that breaking and entering and stealing. So why tease with “committing crimes” and provide the details later? Why not?:

    In Vancouver, heroin addicts have been burglarizing homes, breaking into cars, and mugging locals and tourists to support their habits.

    Now you’ve got a sentence!

    Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using.
    —This doesn’t indicate the addicts can’t maintain jobs. It says jobs are hard to maintain because addicts are using. A small point, but read this sentence in your original paragraph and you’ll see the addicts might be interrupting the daily routines of employed Vancouverites.

    By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug.
    —Get rid of the “by phrase.” Nobody does anything “by” being addicted.

    The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing.
    —”crimes are those” is weak.

    There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction.
    —Eliminate the “There are”

    The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem with the program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin.
    —Probably combine these sentences.

    The program is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates. The program provides the drug, keeping addicts off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes.
    —Probably combine two sentences that begin with “The Program.”

    Hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope withoutdesperate for the drug.
    —Easy fixes: eliminate obviously needless words.

    The program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. The crime problem in the city will be solved, but not the addiction that these people face.

    Put into Feedback Please when you’ve revised, FlyerFan.

    Like

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