Vancouver citizens are committing crimes to support bad habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program helps prevent addicts from continuing these exact habits. The crime rate from these addicts are far too high. Addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. Because of their addiction, heroin users will do whatever they can to satisfy their needs. Breaking and entering and stealing are just a few of the types of crimes addicts will commit. Addicts have no limits to how far they will go to retrieve this drug to feed their addiction. This program won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. The program only tries to prevent rising crime rates. By providing the drug, addicts will be off the streets, which prevents them from committing minor street crimes. Heroin users will also be kept out of the hospital. Hospitals will then not have to put up with having heroin addicts as patience. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. The city can be fixed, however, the addiction of the addicts will not.
Vancouver citizens are committing crimes to support bad habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program helps prevent addicts from continuing these exact habits. The crime rate from these addicts are far too high. Addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. Because of their addiction, heroin users will do whatever they can to satisfy their needs. Breaking and entering and stealing are just a few of the types of crimes addicts will commit. Addicts have no limits to how far they will go to retrieve this drug to feed their addiction. This program won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. The program only tries to prevent rising crime rates. By providing the drug, addicts will be off the streets, which prevents them from committing minor street crimes. Heroin users will also be kept out of the hospital. Hospitals will then not have to put up with having heroin addicts as patience. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. The city can be fixed, however, the addiction of the addicts will not.
Your version is an improvement, Beyonce, but fails to capitalize on the power of robust verbs. Here are your subject/verb pairs:
Citizens ARE
Program HELPS
Rate ARE
Addicts HAVE
Activities ARE
Users DO
Breaking and entering and stealing ARE
Addicts HAVE
Program WON’T HELP
Program TRIES
(You did not solve the problem of the “by verbing” construction.)
Users WILL BE KEPT
Hospitals WILL NOT HAVE TO
Program GIVES
City CAN BE FIXED
The number of times your sentences depend on the subject PROGRAM should be a clue that your sentences don’t identify the true subject of your ideas. There are addicts, addictions, crimes, victims, and the city of Vancouver in this paragraph. Surely they deserve their own sentences. And your verbs almost never do anything robust.
You may revise this exercise and ask for feedback when you finish, if you wish.
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I would not say they are identical. We might that similar mistake, but they are still different. I did this assignment in class on Monday, Nov. 14. Not sure where November 18th came from. I will rewrite if you do not agree.
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Considerable improvements AND responsiveness to feedback. Grade +1
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