Vancouver has a huge problem with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program has been doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The large crime rate has been linked to the addicts. Addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as working, interacting with people, and relationships are hard to maintain since drugs are being used. Heroin users will do whatever it takes to obtain the drug. Crimes such as breaking and entering have been the go to way for addicts to fund the addictions. During these times nothing will stand in the way of an addict when trying to retrieve drugs to feed their addiction. This program is not favored for they don’t wean their addicts off using heroin. To save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. While providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. To keep the heroin users out of the hospitals is an uphill battle. Hospitals having to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles, find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This gives people in the program free heroin in the cleanest way possible. It has the potential to fix the city, but not the addiction that is faced.
feedback provided
—DSH
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Your work here is a start, Yeezy, but only a start. Most sentences are unchanged; all need to be.
For example, the last 8 sentences begin poorly, most of them using language I identified in the Exercise material as weak and in need of elimination.
—The types of crimes
—There are no limits
—The problem with this program is
—It is only trying
—By providing the drug, these addicts
—This will also keep
—It is pointless that
—This program gives
—This will in turn fix the city
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feedback provided
—DSH
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Yeezy, WordPress remembers all drafts, so it’s not necessary to put new material in a Reply. Update your post with the assurance that earlier versions will always be available should you need them. I’ve replaced your post with the material you left in your Reply field.
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Two sentences with weak verbs can be combined to make one sentence with a robust verb.
Try this, Yeezy.
Weak: Addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives.
Weak: Daily activities such as working, interacting with people, and relationships are hard to maintain since drugs are being used.
Combined: Addicts struggle to work and maintain human relationships.
Here’s another example:
WEAK: Heroin users will do whatever it takes to obtain the drug.
WEAK: Crimes such as breaking and entering have been the go to way for addicts to fund the addictions.
Combined: To get their drugs, heroin addicts rob, mug, and burglarize the good people of Vancouver.
Let me know if this helps.
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Some good improvements here, Yeezy, but still far too many weaknesses and errors here.
Grade neutral.
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