Causal Argument-Prof2020

9/11 Made America More Racist

It seems that racism has been around since before the dawn of time itself. It has thrived in the best and worst of times and in every corner of the earth, doing particularly well in the United States of America. America’s relationship with racism has been a very long one and it’s still going strong. As if the situation hadn’t been dire enough, then the twin towers in New York City were attacked in an act of terrorism more horrific and devastating than the world had ever known. Whether or not the 9/11 hijackers understood the consequences of their actions is irrelevant. The after-effects rippled outwards and caused further damage more than what anyone could have expected. Fifteen years later, Americans are still dealing with the repercussions of one man’s decision to attack the United States. 9/11 shocked and terrified the world. That day set a new precedent for the future of public safety all over the globe. The TSA was exploding with new rules and restrictions on who and what can be on a plane. Americans become even more wary of anyone who didn’t look like them. The media turned the situation into a joke. Tabloids were printing new conspiracy theories everyday while shows like “South Park” and “Family Guy” turned the whole ordeal and those behind the attacks into a punchline. The saddest part is that we had an opportunity to make a comeback. It would have been one of the most difficult things our country had ever done and would have further changed the world forever but we failed to take advantage of our opportunity to find good in the situation. We’ve let the 9/11 attacks define our foreign policies, world relations and even how America functions domestically. Furthermore it’s changed how we relate to others. Our culture had never been particularly welcoming to new elements but more now than ever, we bristle at the idea of welcoming anyone or anything we’re not immediately familiar with. In recent years this reaction has softened, especially with younger generations rising up and becoming more politically aware but the majority of America still holds deeply rooted emotions against anything related to the 9/11 hijackings. The ripple effects of the attacks still continue outward even today. Presidential nominee Donald J. Trump made it a main point in his campaign to assure Americans that he’d place restrictions on allowing muslims to enter our country. Regardless of whether or not his prejudice stems from the attacks, many his voters share this sentiment because of the events of 9/11.

Citations
Rose, S. (2013, September 12). Since 9/11, Racism and Islamophobia Remain Intertwined. Retrieved November 04, 2016, from http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/steve-rose/911-racism-islamophobia_b_3908411.html

Poladian, C. (2015, September 11). The United States After 9/11: 6 Things That Have Changed Since 2001. Retrieved November 09, 2016, from http://www.ibtimes.com/pulse/united-states-after-911-6-things-have-changed-2001-2093156

50 thoughts on “Causal Argument-Prof2020”

  1. It seems that racism has been around since before the dawn of time itself.

    Probably not, since races weren’t around at the dawn of time. If you feel the need to be dramatic, choose a claim that has some validity, Prof.

    It has thrived in the best and worst of times and in every corner of the earth, doing particularly well in the United States of America.

    Your claim has the unintended consequence of trivializing your thesis, Prof. Something that has been with us forever and will always exist lacks urgency.

    America’s relationship with racism has been a very long one and it’s still going strong.

    You’re circling a thesis here somewhere, Prof. 1) Racism is as old as time. 2) It’s common in the US. 3) Repeat: It’s common in the US. Is any of this necessary?

    As if the situation hadn’t been dire enough, then the twin towers in New York City were attacked in an act of terrorism more horrific and devastating than the world had ever known.

    It might have felt that way to New Yorkers on that day, but you were barely alive, Prof, and you didn’t survive the Russian pogroms of the early 20th century that killed millions. Just saying.

    Whether or not the 9/11 hijackers understood the consequences of their actions is irrelevant.

    It is, however, relevant that WE understand the consequences of their actions. So far you’re hinting that somehow they affected American racism. By now, if I weren’t your professor with your best interest at heart, I would have bailed on this essay. Make it go somewhere.

    The after-effects rippled outwards and caused further damage more than what anyone could have expected.

    Still teasing.

    Fifteen years later, Americans are still dealing with the repercussions of one man’s decision to attack the United States. 9/11 shocked and terrified the world.

    It did. And we are. But you promised me something I didn’t know.

    That day set a new precedent for the future of public safety all over the globe.

    You spent many sentences insisting that America is racist, then several more reminding us we were attacked 15 years ago by foreign terrorists. Now you’ve added a third wild card: public safety.

    The TSA was exploding with new rules and restrictions on who and what can be on a plane.

    What’s your timeline here, Prof? “Was exploding” before 9/11? Or was the agency empowered as a consequence of 9/11?

    Americans become even more wary of anyone who didn’t look like them.

    Let’s be clear here. The first several sentences give no indication what races you’re indicting, but the clear implication is that you’re discussing black/white racism. “Anyone who doesn’t look like an American” is an entirely different sort of prejudice. You haven’t been clear yet; this new prejudice against “foreigners,” if that’s what you’re getting at, makes your claims less clear.

    The media turned the situation into a joke.

    Hopelessly vague.

    Tabloids were printing new conspiracy theories everyday

    How is that treating the abomination as a joke?

    while shows like “South Park” and “Family Guy” turned the whole ordeal and those behind the attacks into a punchline.

    If so, an example would be extremely helpful. But even if so, you’ve shifted your position radically from “the media” to “tabloids and South Park.”

    The saddest part is that we had an opportunity to make a comeback.

    From what to what, Prof? From a racist country to a color-blind country because of a terrorist attack? From an isolationist country to one that embraced people of all nations? Is your topic racism or nationalism?

    It would have been one of the most difficult things our country had ever done and would have further changed the world forever but we failed to take advantage of our opportunity to find good in the situation.

    I admire the effort you’re making to suggest that 9/11 could have been a “learning experience” of some kind, but you’re leaving the entire argument to our imaginations.

    We’ve let the 9/11 attacks define our foreign policies, world relations and even how America functions domestically.

    If this were still your introduction, you might be forgiven for painting with broad strokes with the promise of providing details later, but these THREE MASSIVE CLAIMS are entirely unsupported. How does the legacy of 9/11 drive our foreign policy? our international relations? our domestic programs?

    Furthermore it’s changed how we relate to others.

    Other Americans? Other races?

    Our culture had never been particularly welcoming to new elements but more now than ever, we bristle at the idea of welcoming anyone or anything we’re not immediately familiar with.

    We’re actually the primary destination for Immigrants from almost every country that people emigrate from.

    In recent years this reaction has softened, especially with younger generations rising up and becoming more politically aware but the majority of America still holds deeply rooted emotions against anything related to the 9/11 hijackings.

    Which reaction has softened? The resistance to immigration or foreign visitors that existed before they were born? or the worsening of that condition that you claim resulted from 9/11?

    The ripple effects of the attacks still continue outward even today.

    Are you going to redeem the promises you made in your first sentences that America is racist?

    Presidential nominee Donald J. Trump made it a main point in his campaign to assure Americans that he’d place restrictions on allowing Muslims to enter our country.

    Not racist. Discrimination based on religious belief.

    Regardless of whether or not his prejudice stems from the attacks, many his voters share this sentiment because of the events of 9/11.

    Don’t you want to distinguish between peace-loving observant Muslims and terrorists (religious or not) who blow things up and kill people in the name of jihad?

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  2. I’m not necessarily sure that everybody that does not like Muslims has derived their hatred directly from 9/11. Many people that still live in this country were racist long before that as well, and probably still would be even if 9/11 did not happen. I just feel this is a tough approach to take because it is hard to actually prove that 9/11 directly led to our entire country becoming more racist, although it may have had a significant effect.

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    1. I agree with this comment. I think the author doesn’t have a lot of support for their claims. This is a very hard approach to take. The author should find more facts to support their claim. Without the support the essay has missing gaps, that makes the reader question the authors point

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  3. “The media turned the situation into a joke.” You should elaborate of this claim because you didn’t give a reason on how the media has turned 9/11 (the situation) “into a joke”.

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  4. Find more support for your claims to make them valid. Do you believe there is any other way to solve this problem going on with America and how the people feel affected by the events that have occurred, and if so find claims to help back up your argument so that you can build a stronger claim

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    1. I agree with this critique. I think that it is important for the author to find further support for his or her claims. Without the support to back up the claims, the claims themselves hold no weight. Therefore, the essay shows no value if there is no support for the argument. To do this, the author should elaborate and find more facts to include in the essay.

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  5. I think your claim is interesting and something that should be discussed. The TSA was started as a response to 9/11 and the attack still does have an impact on this country. Your topic is good. Just some claims need to be clarified.

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    1. I’d agree with this, we needed more security however I would like to see how much of an effect TSA has had with the new rules

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  6. I think that to make your argument stronger you should try to incorporate research or statistics that would back up your point. Maybe you could see how significantly hate crimes on Muslims increased after 9/11 and if they are still increasing now in 2016. Also there could be other factors to people’s racism, not just 9/11 that you should consider too.

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  7. Your argument is well but not clear, because there are other situations when comes to racism. 9/11 is okay claim, but not as good. You should not just depend on the 9/11 claim to make the paper stronger. More other causes you should consider about. There is more into people racism.

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  8. I believe its an okay essay. The argument is there along with the other components of a well written essay. There are a few grammatical mistakes, but a proof read or two should cover them. The points made were valid, but should be backed with more facts and research.

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  9. Okay, I like what you’re saying here, but I don’t like how you’re saying it. First of all, paragraphs could help you immensely in organizing your ideas. Take one main claim and build a paragraph around that, separating each claim.
    Secondly, where are your works cited, other than in the works cited section? I see absolutely no proof of any claims made and that just doesn’t convince me of anything. This may be because you’re being so broad it would be hard to find specific sources to support your arguments. We were all told to choose a topic specific enough to argue, so maybe narrow it down a bit. Who is America being racist against? What about the 9/11 attacks made them that way? who in America is being racist, specifically? I know that you know the answers to these questions because you dance around them the entire paper, but give them to the readers.
    You have a lot of potential with this argument, so do something with it.

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    1. Even though this reply has a condescending tone I think it’s the most helpful reply. Prof2020 has potential to build a really strong essay if they can sculpt exactly why 9/11 made America more racist. They need proof to give truth to their claim. They also really don’t need the details about the media and Tv shows. It’s irrelevant unless it proves racism related to post 9/11. And if it does, it needs to give an example of why.

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  10. In order to give more substance to your paper I would try to pull cases of hate crimes to those after the attack which there are plenty of. Therefore you can put a name to those who have experienced it first hand.

    “As if the situation hadn’t been dire enough, then the twin towers in New York City were attacked in an act of terrorism more horrific and devastating than the world had ever known”

    To make the claim that its the attack was more horrific and devastating than the world has ever known is a huge reach in my opinion. Yes for those of whom it effected directly and were there on the day of the attack would say its been for them but to claim for the entire world is not a good thing to compare it to in my opinion.

    “9/11 shocked and terrified the world.”

    Again making the claim of the world is making it to broad. I would change it to 9/11 shocked Americans across the country to know that the battle could be brought to us in such a way was far from the minds of the public.

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  11. I think that you are on the right track with your argument but I do believe that you need to elaborate on some of the claims that have been made. 9/11 is no the sole purpose for the expansion on racism but it did branch it out a little more. Look into other things that surrounded racism during or before 9/11.

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  12. I like the way you connected your points such as how TSA has been exploding with new rules, and how Donald Trump’s been expressing his idea of not allowing Muslims to enter the U.S. However make sure to focus on your thesis and point of your argument with supporting evidence.

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  13. Obviously there are grammar issues that have to be worked out, but besides that there is a problem with the structure of your argument. For starters, your causal argument is titled “9/11 Made America More Racist,” but this thesis is not seen within the essay until very far into it. Once that point is reached, there is nothing to back it up or further explain it. I believe that when you rewrite this essay, you should first consider how much of this single paragraph will be your first paragraph and then chop it up a bit. Get to the point sooner, and more efficiently. Also, expand more in whatever you want. There just needs to be more references as well as insight from you.

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  14. I think the argument you are going for is a good one, however it needs to be more clear and less vague. I feel like this could be condensed down into an opening paragraph and then you could have more on each claim made. the 4 claims i am able to pull out for you are the media turning it into a joke, people being more cautious in airports with people that aren’t white, people not being accepting, the president elect making racist jokes. I think that if you analyze those claims and add evidence to support your causal essay will really come together nicely.

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    1. I do like this students feedback. I agree the argument can be made that 9/11 made America more racist, but some claims need some more evidence and also need to be covered and discussed more.

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  15. You make some bold claims here, Prof 2020. However, there is a lack of evidence. There are multiple claims that should be broken up into separate paragraphs to explain more in depth.
    For example,
    1.The media turned the situation into a joke.
    2.Our culture had never been particularly welcoming to new elements but more now than ever. 3.We bristle at the idea of welcoming anyone or anything we’re not immediately familiar with
    Americans are still dealing with the repercussions of one man’s decision to attack the United States. 9/11 shocked and terrified the world.
    All of these claims are made to support your thesis. Take these claims and build off of them in separate paragraphs. These claims lack clarity in the first paragraph, which makes it seem messy. Explaining these clauses in detail would be more effective than simply shoving them all into the first paragraph.

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  16. Your main point/thesis was at the end of your essay. Put that in the beginning and explain how 9/11 changed America to become “more racist” and bring in examples that show this change, not just what the media did for publicity, but how people acted as a result.

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  17. There are some grammar errors inside this one long paragraph then can always use a little touch up. You present a very strong tone in this article about how 9/11 was turned into a “joke” which is not a bad thing. I think we can all agree with what you are saying to an extent but some areas are wrong. Some people nowadays like to say that we need that type of humor in our lives because its takes some slack away where others are strong with you and don’t stand for it. The main thing i take away from this article and the spot i saw first was your title. “9/11 Made America More Racist”…. I’m not really sure what you are trying to say by this because you didn’t relate to it much in the story besides saying that we don’t look at people the same anymore, so the title could use some work.

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  18. You have good insight on 9/11 here, however you should clean it up. Read over your essay and keep asking yourself, “What am I saying?” because you frequently add in more detail (good detail by the way) but it is irrelevant to previously stated claims. Once you really clarify what your essay is about you will have an easier time finding direction (which is a problem I struggle with as well). That being said, you need to provide support! This is entirely your opinion, which is important, but we can all go on and on about our opinions. Support is crucial in any serious essay trying to prove some sort of point.

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  19. Also, there are so many claims that are just being made without describing where it came from or why it is important. Nothing is described to the reader at all, so there is nothing to be persuaded about. The line “The media turned the situation into a joke.” bring up a lot more question then what you might have assumed it would have brought. You can either look at it in two different ways, the media trivializing something very important, or putting making fun of dark times such as 9/11 in a negative connotation. However, what you described wasn’t the media essentially laughing at horrid events. You could argue that the media did trivialize 9/11, but you can easily prove the opposite as well so the argument there isn’t as strong as you might have thought it may have been. Also is the trivialization special to 9/11? If it was true then that means that there is a pressing issue there, but the media trivializes more events than just 9/11. Also if you are questioning making fun of horrid events then you are opening another issue that you can’t quickly settle. If making fun of events like this is so horrible, then many comedians would be out of a job. It can be argued that by laughing at events like this, you learn to cope with and understand the context of tragedy. Either way of looking at it, you have to specify what media is treating 9/11 with such disdain and whether or not it helps your cause. It is not surprising at all that things such as South Park and Family Guy would turn it into a punch line, but those types of shows are only a small part of the media. This becomes a generalization that because that niche of the media does this, then they all do this, which isn’t true. If I completely missed the point of what you tried to say, then explain what you were trying to say so the reader doesn’t get lost to your main point.

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  20. Prof2020, the first I will say to you is that you need to write more in this causal argument. One method that will help with the length is to find the Immediate, Remote, Contributing, and Precipitating causes that will spawn from your thesis.
    It will also be easier for readers to understand each of the causes if you split them up into paragraphs ( no matter how big or small they are).
    Make sure all the claims you make have supporting evidence, and explain in detail what your cited works are saying.
    Finally, make sure you vary your sentence structures. Don’t begin each sentence with the same word that the previous one either began or ended with. You want to make your essay interesting and not repetitive.

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  21. 9/11 changed the world forever. Prior to 9/11 Muslims were innocent people who wore things on their heads. There was no threat to them, they just were “different”. Once 9/11 happened everyone became terrified of Muslims. Even now years later, people are still terrified of the entire muslim community. It was only a group of muslims that ruined their reputation in our country. even the people who were not racist before 9/11, After the attack those people started to resent the muslim community. You touched many important topics in your writing but I think you can dig a little deeper. You told us about the general information that everyone already knows about. Maybe try and find some information that not many people eare aware of yet to really blow their mind. I know this is an abused topic because of how long it has been around so it is difficult to find some information that nobody knows about yet. Im sure there is some out there to find!

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  22. Good points and connections are made here. I would like to see more statistics that can back up some of these points. The one big paragraph makes this more difficult too read, and there are points that deserve their own paragraph. Your claims are arguments are strong, and you can make them stand out more. They sort of blend a little.

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  23. The essay is repeatedly going over the same thing, I believe the claims need more evidence before stating the actual argument. More opinions instead of facts as if the person was actually their and lived through it

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  24. In this essay you have a lot of cause and only one effect. I think you should try and balance it out . Have the same or close to the same amount of causes for effects. Also try not to repeat the same cause over and over again, you started to repeat your self

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  25. The author needs to explain how America has become more racist, it seems that they have a bunch of points that don’t need to be there. The author needs better claims.

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  26. I do not think that this essay really makes any sense. Racism will always be around and no one can change the opinions and thinking process of people. The middle east has always been associated with conflict. Throughout the existence of human kind in that area, war has always been prominent. It was not up until the 1980’s the United States would get involved with this. We aided those people during the 1980’s when the Soviet Union invaded the middle east. In the 1990’s we fought the first and second Gulf War, trying to help these people. In 2001 they repaid us by attacking us in the most horrific way possible at the time. Our response to this was Operation Iraqi Freedom, and many other operations. Since then, those people caused havoc and killed many innocent people, not only on US soil but in many other countries. There has been countless ISIS attacks. Europe has changed for the worse, and the world as a whole has changed.

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  27. The essay reveals there is only one cause and it leads to many, many effects. Elaborating on some of this effects would help strengthen the essay. Many bold claims are made, and should be backed by evidence. There could have also been different leading causes to racism other than 9/11, consider that when revising your work.

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  28. I agree with soccer 5 comment the most. The whole article is very unclear. The article does not clearly state its thesis and makes a lot of claims without evidence. For example,”shows like South park and Family guy turned the whole ordeal into a punch line. How does they make jokes, there is no evidence. Maybe prof 2020 could quote a line from the shows or find an article to cite on how people reacted to the 9/11 jokes on these shows. Another part lacking evidence would be the last sentence of the article, “many his voters share this sentiment because of the events of 9/11.” There is absolutely no evidence present to support this claim. Where is the hard evidence? You are making a claim about a group of voters, but do not have any evidence and it makes the article look bad due to lacking evidence. The idea of the article is good, just support your claims.

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  29. This essay states one cause with many effects. The author is bringing awareness to the effects without source material and not fully explaining the effect it has had on America. The author needs to take each topic or effects and expand on them, then they will have some connection with the thesis.

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  30. The claims the author makes are not proven, and seem false. There is also by a lot of information describing how 9/11 made America more racist. It’s hard to disprove them

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  31. Some of the word usage is redundant. They incorrectly state that one man decided to attack the US, when in reality it was a whole organization. Lots of subtopics are talked about, but never really expanded on. The very last topic in their essay could have been a huge point listed towards the beginning that could have been a whole essay topic within itself.

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  32. “Fifteen years later, America is still dealing with one man’s decision to attack the United States.”
    Whos decision was it? Where is the proof of it being only one man’s decision? How does this have to do with America becoming more racist? This is one claim of many that are weak and draw a dead end. The author makes the reader look for information and rely on their prior knowlege too much.

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  33. You need to add much more support to your claims. For example, you say “The media turned the situation into a joke” but do not give proper evidence to show this. It seems like the essay is very scatterbrained and missing structure.

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  34. “Fifteen years later, Americans are still dealing with the repercussions of one man’s decision to attack the United States.” I have a problem with this statement and many others in this essay that previous students have pointed out. In this particular statement, you say “one man’s decision.” Whose decision? A simple search on the web will reveal that not one, but nineteen men were associated with the hijacking. Also, overall, your essay shows a lack of research.

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  35. This essay states one major cause with multiple resulting causes that cause multiple effects. The most important cause now a days is that Trump banning Muslims from the US causes racism towards other Muslims. Americans that see people in robes and covered with clothes to their eyes we automatically think they are terrorists or just not good people. People make assumptions all the time in the US of “different looking” people but just as many whites partake in crimes as minorities. People in the US are too quick to jump to conclusions.

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