Visual Rewrite- yankeeskid6

  • sec 01-04: The “ad” opens up with a black screen and white lettering with an info statement saying “What you are about to see is real footage courtesy of the Bully Project.” Therefore, we must assume the ad will have something to do with bullying.
  • sec 05-14: The scene opens up with a crowded bus full of kids. The camera is pointing to the back of kids heads giving you a situational imagery as if you were there on the bus. A young boy seems to be hanging off the side of a seat in a brown shirt on the right side of the bus where another boy is sitting. Is the boy welcomed on that seat? Is he forcing his way on the seat? It’s hard to tell because the young man is moving back and forth in tiny increments but it may have to do with the road the bus is traveling on.
  • A second later the boy hanging off the seat is abruptly pushed to the ground falling in the aisle. It is apparent now that the boy hanging in the aisle not welcomed in that seat.
  • As the boy attempts to get up and back in the seat a young girl in front of them turns around showing all signs of anger. He face wrinkled as she scorns the boy and her mouth wide open in disgust.
  • All of a sudden a young boy behind the two confrontational boys throws a punch at the kid in the browns back, connecting with the punch. The boy in brown turns around with his mouth wide open in complete shock. The kid who hit him takes his left hand and points to a seat on the left expressing to sit down. The fast motion of his hand shows some form of anger or anxiousness. He must be annoyed at the kid in the brown. The boy in the brown then gets up frustrated and walks to a different seat away from the girl and two guys.
  • sec 15-16:The camera cuts to a blonde girl seeming to be staring at something towards the back of the bus. Her mouth is wide open and she has an emotionless face possibly from being shocked or maybe even concerned. Where she is looking seems to be toward the direction of the boy in brown and the kid who hit him.
  • sec 16-18: The camera then cuts to the back of a boy in black. This boy in black is now sitting behind the boy in brown. The boy in black quickly reaches around from the seat behind and proceeds to grasp the boy in browns neck. He shakes it back and forth in a jerking motion.
  • sec 19-25: A young boy who is looking towards the back of the bus peaks out only a tiny bit. He seems to be hiding but also interested, why is this? Who is he afraid of? Does he not want to be bullied?
  • Another boy who looks to be at the very back of the bus is looking forward while standing. He slowly begins to move his head downwards and his facial expressions turns to looking upset. He looks at the ground as if he is ashamed. Is he ashamed he isn’t helping?
  • The next shot captures a group of kids just staring off into the distance, with complete emotionless expressions as if nothing just happened.
  • sec 26-31: The screen turns to black for a split second until a slogan appears in white that reads “Teach your kids how to be more than a bystander. Visit stopbullying.gov” There is no reason to why none of the other kids on the bus could have done something to help the poor kid in the brown. Physical and emotional abuse are not okay. You need to stand up to the bully’s not let them win.

7 thoughts on “Visual Rewrite- yankeeskid6”

  1. Please look at

    These comments get lost, YankeesKid.
    To get feedback, use the two-word formula that shows up in searches of the hundreds of comments.

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    2. I have sent you the link am i doing something wrong with asking for feed back? I thought this is how we do it. The video is right below

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  5. Yankees, what follows below are notes I wrote to another student regarding this very video. So much of what I had to say to that student seems relevant to your version also. While I try to get back to your own post, please review these notes and apply them to your own revisions where you think they’re helpful. Then drop me another Reply, please, to let me know you’ve seen (and whether you appreciate) the notes. If you need more help, add the words: feedback please.

    :04. A little grammar note first: We do not use the 2nd person in this class, ever. Search and destroy all instances of “you,” and “your,” and “yours.”

    Your detailed observations show that you’re very attentive, OtherStudent. The conclusions you draw are intriguing. What would you conclude if the sun were not out? Why would so many school kids be on a bus at night? I like your inference that they attend a public school. That’s clever. I may not agree that this is the ride home from your evidence, but I very much respect that you came to your conclusion based on the visual clues. Agreed, the boy in black and white was pushed from his seat. But why (based on evidence) do you doubt the pushing was play?

    :05. Could you find a shorter way to describe him than “the young Caucasian blond-haired boy with the long-sleeved, black shirt,” please? Call him Black Shirt, or the Blonde.

    This is good about the mixed-race girl. That she is about to lecture him seems just right. Is there a frame that seems to indicate he touched her, or is this pure conjecture? Either way, the fact that she reacts to something slight by turning to lecture Black Shirt is a significant fact about how quickly these kids either take offense or like to mouth off about what’s on their minds.

    :07. Do you mean simply that Blonde was trying to return to his seat? That’s easily said. As for Gray T-Shirt, his fist isn’t an either/or question. Whatever reason he has raised it, he’s likely going to strike the Blonde, whether to defend Open Mouth or not.

    :08. From your description, I conclude that you aren’t actually watching the video as moving images. You shouldn’t have to guess whether T-Shirt struck Blonde or not. If you’re watching the video, you see it happen. On the other hand, if you’re clicking from second to second, you could miss the motion and have to draw conclusions. I don’t want to say you chose a bad technique (you were probably trying to model your work on the Thai Life Insurance model), but you did choose a technique that makes the interpretation job harder.

    What you say about the scene is really very nice, OtherStudent. Particularly your suspicion that Blonde might have cried out when struck demonstrate you’re really paying attention to the logic of the silent video, enough to wonder if what you SEE could possibly explain the narrative without what would also have been HEARD. Impressive.

    :09. I don’t at all disagree with your analysis, but I wonder if it’s reasonable to expect any reaction from others in less than a second. You draw conclusions from the non-intervention of the driver, an aide, or students, but how much could happen from :07 to :09 that we would observe?

    :10-:13. This is very carefully observed but puzzling. I completely agree that T-Shirt is ordering Blonde to take the empty seat. Regarding Orange though, you say he turned away from eye contact with the camera, which would indicate he clearly recognized he was being recorded. But then you claim, “these kids don’t know they are being recorded,” by which you must mean kids OTHER THAN Orange? Your last sentence is confusingly phrased. Do you mean that, while Blonde was being shoved, back at :04, someone decided to capture whatever happened next, anticipating that there would be bullying involved? Or do you mean that while someone was randomly taping kids on a bus bullying occurred, from which we can conclude it must happen pretty often?

    0:14 – He removes himself from the seat he was sitting in that was also occupied by two other male students. There wasn’t enough room for another person but he made it possible by sitting on the edge of the seat. Forcing himself in a seat that was already filled by two others shows that he’s trying to make friends or at least looks like he has some. However, he follows the order that was given to him as he positions himself in the seat he was directed to sit in. By giving in so quickly to follow the orders of another student this demonstrates that he isn’t new to this situation.

    :14. I love your conclusions, but I also want to challenge them. Forcing himself into a seat already occupied is a pretty dicky move if he’s not wanted, and may explain why he gets picked on. The fact that he follows orders so quickly could indicate he has to do so often, but might just mean that he feels overmatched and outnumbered.

    :15. THIS might be a time to wonder why nobody intervened. Enough time has transpired from 04-14 to allow the driver to react or for someone else to rise to Blonde’s defense.

    0:16 – Didn’t take long for another student to antagonize him again. A young, dark-haired boy who is wearing a short-sleeved black t-shirt with a white logo on it, reaches from behind the blonde-haired boy and grabs him by the neck in a choking manner. This is now the second altercation that took place in a matter of seconds that involves this young boy being hit on by other students. It is now safe to say the blonde-haired boy is being bullied by his peers. After all, choking someone isn’t funny and should never be considered “play fighting.”

    :16. Very nice.

    0:17-0:18 – The young, dark-haired boy continues to choke the boy by his neck. He must be doing harm to him, as the blonde-haired boy uses BOTH of his hands to try and stop him. The boy has a tight grip on his neck that could be cutting off his circulation since he resorts to using both of his hands to get him off of him.

    :17-18. So smart. “Both hands” is a highly worthy observation.

    0:19 – Another dark-haired boy, who is scrunched down in his seat so that his face isn’t all the way visible to the people behind him is trying to see what is going on. This young boy is what we would call a bystander in this situation. He isn’t doing anything to help save the blonde-haired boy who is being choked. His facial expressions shows fear. Is he afraid of being next? Has he already been bullied by these two young boys?

    :19. Has the camera angle changed here? Are we still looking at the scene from the back of the bus? If not, what do you conclude from the presence of multiple cameras aimed at the same event? Could this possibly be coincidence? Or do you start to distrust the editor’s claim that this is a real event? Double-check and see if the video from the front of the bus is taken at the same time as the video from the back of the bus.
    —1. If it IS contemporaneous, how do we explain that two people, or three, decided to tape this same scene?
    —2. if it ISN’T contemporaneous, that means we’re being manipulated by the filmmakers, who are splicing together tapes from different events to make things “look real.”
    Are you with me here?

    0:20-0:23 – For the next few seconds the focus of the camera is all around the school bus. Whoever is recording is trying to show the facial expressions of every student on the bus as the choking of the young boy is still going on. They look very frightened but no one decides to step in. The recorder focuses the camera on two males, both who were bystanders during this situation like rest of the students. But why focus the camera on mainly them two? How ironic that both of them are wearing glasses? A lot of times we hear about students getting picked on in school because they wear glasses. Does the term “four-eyes” ring a bell? It is a possibility they could be the next victims. After all the blonde-haired boy in this video, who was being bullied by multiple students wears glasses as well. None of the people who bullied him had on glasses.

    :20-:23. This is fantastic work, OtherStudent. Put these observations together with your reactions to my question above in 19 and decide how to react to the near certainty that, whether this event is “real” or not, it’s captured and edited in a way to force certain interpretations on its viewers.

    :24-:31. What are you saying exactly, OtherStudent? That parents watching this will decide: “I can’t pretend my kid could never be bullied”? Or: “my kid seems more like the bullying type than one that gets picked on.” Will students watching this think: “I’m going to try to never be like that kid who gets bullied”? Or: “I’m so ashamed that I fail to react just like those weaker kids in glasses. They should all get together and overpower the bullies”?

    More important than any of that, what is the call to action here? The filmmakers are arguing for a purpose. What do they want to happen?

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