Causal Rewrite- belladonna98

The Neglect of College Students’ Emotional Well Being

At college, new students experience immense change. According to Brian Harke of the Huffington post, students come to college “overly optimistic and confident in their ability to manage the challenges they will encounter at college.” They struggle to manage new, unprecedented stress. Students who attempt to cope by delving into extreme parties or unhealthy relationships radically dysregulate.

Of course, there is the academic side of college, the main cause of stress. Students think that they can handle college academics, and often get a reality check in the form of a failed test or paper. College academics can get so stressful that experts write entire books on how to deal with said stress, such as “College Success” created by the Extended Learning Institute and Lumens Learning. But stress is not limited only to academics in college.

Many students know only the positive stories they’ve heard from their parents about “The College Experience” of decades ago. Talking about the “College Experience” as if there is a standard for activities in college does not help students in the least. Instead, pressure is put on them to achieve not only academically but also socially. The wild and sometimes-exaggerated stories set even more expectations for students to fulfill, so forced relationships and parties with unfamiliar and possibly unhealthy people occur. Non-organic interactions can cause dysregulation, as they did not happen naturally, they are forced, and they are unhealthy. Obviously, not all relationships and parties are inherently unhealthy or cause dysregulation, but it is important to consider the related statistics.

82% of college students have admitted to using verbal violence against a romantic partner, often brought on by the use of drugs or alcohol. In that vein, 44% of college students have been classified as binge drinkers. In those relationships and parties seen as part of the college experience, a good amount of dysregulation exists.

The immense change that college students are undergoing, and the pressure felt by many of them causes the dysregulation described by the earlier statistics. Not only academic pressure, but that to somehow “succeed” socially, if that is even possible. A student under almost constant stress who is not recieving help is bound to suffer from dysregulation. This brings me to my original point; college students need DBT. Once we stop looking at dysregulation as a part of being at college and see it as a real problem that has a clear solution, we are on the path to fixing it.

Works Cited

Ed.D., Brian Harke. “High School to College Transition, Part 1: The Freshman Myth.” The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 22 June 2010. Web. 06 Nov. 2016.

Shook, Nancy J., Debora A. Gerrity, Joan Jurich, and Allen E. Segrist. “Courtship Violence Among College Students: A Comparison of Verbally and Physically Abusive Couples.” SpringerLink. N.p., Mar. 2000. Web. 06 Nov. 2016.

Wechsler, Henry, George W. Dowdall, Andrea Davenport, and Sonia Castillo. “Correlates of College Student Binge Drinking.” American Journal of Public Health, n.d. Web. 06 Nov. 2016.

ELI (Extended Learning Institute at NOVA), Lumen Learning. “College Success.” Candela Learning. N.p., n.d. Web. 06 Nov. 2016.

4 thoughts on “Causal Rewrite- belladonna98”

    1. You write well, Belladonna, which is why I pester you with so much advice. Let’s concentrate on the elimination of repetitive pronouns. If I don’t improve your first paragraph, you can ignore me forever. First, I’ll highlight the offending repetitive pronouns.

      At college, people experience change. According to Brian Harke of the Huffington post, students come to college “overly optimistic and confident in their ability to manage the challenges they will encounter at college.” This can cause an amount of stress that student have never dealt with before, and therefore do not know how to manage in a healthy way. Many students may look to partying or relationships to cope with their stress. These relationships and parties are not inherently problematic, but when they are forced or done with the wrong people, they can create dysregulation.

      Pronouns eliminated

      At college, people experience change. According to Brian Harke of the Huffington post, students come to college “overly optimistic and confident in their ability to manage the challenges they will encounter at college.” Instead, they suffer unprecedented stress they do not know how to manage in a healthy way. While not inherently problematic, desperate partying and dodgy relationships can create dysregulation.

      Best subjects (for this paragraph, it’s always the students)

      New college students experience dramatic, radical change. According to Brian Harke of the Huffington post, students come to college “overly optimistic and confident in their ability to manage the challenges they will encounter at college.” Instead, they struggle to manage unprecedented stress. Students who attempt to cope by throwing themselves into extreme partying or relationships with the wrong people radically dysregulate.

      Helpful? See improvement?
      I’ve highlighted some negative verbs and repetitive pronouns for you in the rest of your essay.
      I admire your drive for excellence, Belladonna.
      —DSH

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  2. Thank you for the feedback! I definitely see what you mean. I’ve applied similar changes to my third paragraph here.

    Many students know only what other people have told them in terms of college. For most students, information and stories come from their parents, who have most likely been out of college for many years and are focusing only on the good. Talking about the “College Experience” as if there is a standard for activities in college does not help students in the least. Instead, pressure is put on them to not only achieve academically in the ways they have been encouraged to, but also to achieve socially. The wild and sometimes-exaggerated stories set even more expectations for students to fulfill, so forced relationships and parties with unfamiliar and possibly unhealthy people occur. Non-organic interactions can cause dysregulation, as they did not happen naturally, they are forced, and they are unhealthy. Obviously, not all relationships and parties are inherently unhealthy or cause dysregulation, but it is important to consider the related statistics.

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    1. That’s great. You got to your revisions before I did my highlighting!

      Here’s the next round of revision types.

      Eliminating the vague “other people” and the “in terms of” or “with reference to” language.

      Many students know only the positive stories they’ve heard from their parents about “The College Experience” of decades ago.

      Reducing comparison language. Swapping passive for active verbs.

      Instead, they feel pressured to achieve NOT ONLY ACADEMICALLY BUT ALSO SOCIALLY.

      I offer these replacements with the understanding that a steady stream of very dense, airless sentences can suffocate readers. Add oxygen where needed to avoid lightheadedness.

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