Robust Verbs- yankeeskid6

Original- There is a huge problem in Vancouver with heroin addicts committing crimes to support their habits. The “free heroin for addicts” program is doing everything they can to stop the addicts. The problem is that there is a large crime rate due to the addicts. It is obvious that addicts have a hard time getting through their day to day lives. Daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain because of the fact that they are using. By heroin users being addicted, they will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on the drug. The types of crimes committed are those of breaking and entering as well as stealing. There are no limits to where they will go to retrieve this drug so that they can feed their addiction. The problem with this program is that it won’t help to ween these addicts off using heroin. It is only trying to save the city from rising crime rates that they’re up to. By providing the drug, these addicts will be off the streets, which in turn will prevent them from committing minor street crimes. This will also keep the heroin users out of the hospital. It is pointless that the hospitals have to deal with people that want to use bad drugs or unsanitary needles and find themselves being unable to afford hospital bills and hard to cope without the drug. This program gives people free heroin in the cleanest way possible. This will in turn fix the city  but not the addiction that these people face.

 

New-  Vancouver has an issue with crime involving heroine addicts. The “free heroin for addicts” is providing service to stop the addicts. The Vancouver crime rate is affected by the addicts. Heroine addicts struggle to live normal day-today lives. Due to their addiction daily activities such as jobs, interactions, and relationships are hard to maintain. Any addict of any drug will do whatever they can to keep obtaining that drug. Breaking and entering as well as stealing are the most common crimes committed by these addicts. Actions for retrieval are limitless.  The program is meant to lower crime rates in the city not help the addicts become clean. Heroine is provided to the individual hoping they will be off the streets and not committing minor street crimes. Providing clean needles and correct amount of heroine should keep Hospital visits down. The program gives addicts free heroin in the cleanest way possible. Vancouver will benefit legally and financially, but the addicts will not be cured.

2 thoughts on “Robust Verbs- yankeeskid6”

  1. Not bad, Yankees. You’ve made some genuine improvements. You’ve also left yourself a lot of work to do if you really want to turn in an elegant paragraph.

    Vancouver has an issue with crime involving heroine addicts.

    “has an issue” is weak. “involving heroin addicts” is even weaker. What you mean is that Vancouver’s heroin addicts commit a lot of crimes. Say so. But not just that. It’s not enough for a good sentence. Say, for example, that the city is trying to stop it. Or say what kind of crime they commit. Or both.

    For example:

    To keep their heroin addicts from mugging and burglarizing to support their habits, Vancouver is dispensing clean heroin to them.

    The “free heroin for addicts” is providing service to stop the addicts.

    “providing service” is very vague. So is “stop the addicts.” Stop them from committing crimes? Stop them from taking heroin?

    The Vancouver crime rate is affected by the addicts.

    “affected by” is the weakest possible description of a change. Is it raised by addicts? Lowered?

    Any addict of any drug will do whatever they can to keep obtaining that drug. Breaking and entering as well as stealing are the most common crimes committed by these addicts.

    “do whatever they can” is hopelessly vague, particularly since the next sentence clears up the confusion. “Heroin addicts burglarize Vancouver’s homes and mug her citizens to feed their habit.” Right?

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