Definition Argument rewrite-ballsohard83

Welcome to America

Welcome to the land of the free. Where everyone who isn’t born in the United States wants to live. It is a place for you to come here and fulfill whatever dream it is that you have. It is a place for you to come and be successful. That’s what they want one to believe but in reality if you aren’t a true American meaning “born in America” then you most likely aren’t welcomed to live here. Even if you are born here but are a darker shade of skin color than white, then this might not be the country for you. This seems to be a country ruled by people particularly of the Caucasian race. If you aren’t a Caucasian American then its looking very unpredictable if you are living in America. It’s harder to live here because you aren’t treated equal. The law makes it sound so sweet and amazing like you are getting all of the freedom you deserve when on reality its just as hard to come by as person trying to catch a cab in New York City at rush hour.

America is so corrupt, and the government will make you feel like you don’t deserve to live here if you aren’t a certain race. Racism in this country may have seemed to have died down but it id just getting started. Unarmed African American men are being brutally murdered by police officers. The men and women that we are supposed to seek out to for protection are the one doing the killing. “U.S. police have killed at least 194 black people in 2016, according to a project by The Guardian that tracks police killings in America”. That number is absurd and we must speak out on this topic because you cant talk about it enough. If the government is just going to keep letting the police do this to our citizens who knows what they are going to do next.

This is a country that aliens love so much, but the country doesn’t love them back. America gets what they want and don’t want. They have made it clear already that they don’t want people who are black even if you were born here so they are trying to get rid of that minority slowly with the prison systems and now with just blatant murder. Its not just black people its Hispanics and other foreigners too.” Obama administration deported a record 438,421 unauthorized immigrants in fiscal year 2013, continuing a streak of stepped up enforcement that has resulted in more than 2 million deportations since Obama took office, newly released Department of Homeland Security data show.” America’s excuse for not letting Hispanics across the border is “they’re taking all of our jobs”. That is such a terrible excuse because what’s the difference whose working the job as long as it gets done. Most likely that job would’ve been up for grabs because most Americans are already lazy so they wouldn’t have gone out to get the job in the first place. This country is just so greedy with everything it is going to bite us in the butt in the long run if we don’t change our ways soon.

I can’t have respect for a country that is so stubborn and doesn’t respect it’s own citizens. It is quite disrespectful how we do our own citizens in this country no matter the color of their skin we should not discriminate, we should not teach our children to hate anyone. Let alone to grow up and hate a person or a race because of the color of their skin. That is the way America still is today whether we talk about it or not it still is a problem children are still being raised racist. They aren’t being born with that sense of hate in their body they are being taught that hate. A baby isn’t going to grow up just hating a person because they are a darker skin color. Any type of baby is open to anything that he or she is taught by the parents and obviously the school system in which they attend. Although the problem of racism might not be as severe as it was back in the early 1900s it still is a factor today. This country is getting back to its racist ways and many people of a different race other than Caucasian are not going to accept that type of treatment ever again. Believe that there is going to be a war if white people try to treat black people like they used to. This country has already used drugs to help eliminate some of the black population in America. They “founded” the drug called cocaine and they brought it to America they found out that this drug is very addicting and money can be made off of it. They brought that drug to a bunch of cities who are poor and don’t really have much going for them but drugs. They basically taught people how to make it in their homes but it isn’t as pure as the actual powder. It is a knockoff brand with basically the same effects called crack. So people who live in the hood took that idea and tried to make an extra buck.Knowing that the people of these poor cities would take advantage they basically set a trap. The police force used that crime of selling crack as basically attempted murder so all of the drug dealers who would be selling this drug would go to jail for a long time and everyone who was actually taking the drug would go to jail too if caught or die eventually from this drug because it wasn’t pure at all but it was addicted and people would share needles and whoever had diseases would share needles and kill off each other like some type of plague.

Works Cited

Pew Article needs a Works Cited citation, not JUST a hyperlink

HuffPost article Needs a Works Cited citation, not JUST a hyperlink.

2 thoughts on “Definition Argument rewrite-ballsohard83”

  1. feedback provided

    A little bit of hard criticism to get us started, Balls. Please ask again when you’ve eliminated the 2nd-person language and improved your subjects and verbs.
    —DSH

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  2. Balls, essays like your are the reason I keep giving the same lesson over and over again.

    The weakest possible verbs are the verbs TO BE, and the worst possible way to begin sentences is with IT IS or THAT IS or THIS SEEMS TO BE.

    Your first paragraph alone contains these:

    isn’t/It is/ it is/ It is/ That’s /aren’t / are/ are / this might not be /This seems to be/ aren’t /it’s/ you are/ It’s/ aren’t /it/ you are/ you deserve /it’s /

    The “you” instances, in this class, are Fails for Grammar violations. Eliminate them and all other instances of 2nd-person language. The weak subject/verb pairs won’t fail your essay, but they deprive it of strength.

    Review those lectures and exercises and revise this essay before you trust it to your A11: Definition Rewrite. It would fail as it stands for the 2nd-person violations.

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