Open Strong-Philly321

Officer Darren Wilson was proud to pin the badge of the Ferguson Police Department to his dress blues, but since he discharged his Sig P229 pistol on August 9, 2014, the badge reminds him that he mortally wounded a teenager in the line of duty. A nationwide study conducted from 2008-2012 by Pamela Kulbarsh, a psychiatric nurse for over 25 years and a member of San Diego’s Psychiatric Emergency Response Team, found that nearly 150,000 officers have experienced symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, not to mention the officers who, because of the stigma of appearing weak, have yet to come forward with their symptoms. But when police officers decide to confront their physiological troubles, Kulbarsh found that the men in blue are being deprived of a stable support system to help guide them in the right direction. For years, we have ignored the calls for help from the guardians of our safety who have pledged to protect our nation.

4 thoughts on “Open Strong-Philly321”

  2. An officer’s badge symbolizes a sworn oath to serve and protect the people of this country

    Not all officers are police, so your claim is unclear. All oaths are sworn.

    but for a distressed officer, a badge reminds them of an internal struggle caused by a gruesome event in his or her field of duty.

    FFG. You must not combine the singular “distressed officer” with the plural “reminds them,” and then return to the singular “his or her.” Not necessarily gruesome; it might just have been terrifying or deeply unnerving.

    A study conducted in 2012 by Pamela Kulbarsh, a psychiatric nurse for over 25 years and a member of San Diego’s Psychiatric Emergency Response Team, found that nearly 150,000 officers have experienced symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

    Nationwide? From 2010-2016? 150,000 is a big number, but compared to what?

    not to mention the officers who have yet to come forward with their symptoms following a distressing situation.

    Requires an evidentiary claim, such as “who, because of the stigma of appearing weak” or “who, rather than bucking the macho code.”

    But when officers decide to confront their hitches,

    What’s a hitch?

    they find themselves without a stable support system to help guide them in the right direction.

    Is this claim of their lack of support a further finding of Kulbarsh? Not clear that it is.

    For years, people have ignored the calls for help from the people who have pledged to protect our nation.

    The “people . . . people” balance is weak. You mean “WE” have ignored the “guardians of our safety.” Right?

    Despite my many quibbles, you’re on the right track here, Philly. You’ve made some essential claims and used them to highlight a serious situation that requires our attention. I don’t know how you’ll ever manage to use that badge to be your “cows and chips,” but I admire the effort. Sometimes an individualized anecdote is required. “Officer Lenore Ramirez is proud to pin the badge of the Chicago Police Department to her dress blues, but since she discharged her service revolver last April, the badge reminds her that she mortally wounded a teenager in the line of duty.” Those very specific anecdotes, well chosen, can pull your readers in so effectively that they’ll stay with you for several paragraphs, successfully fulfilling their primary purpose of keeping readers reading.

    Coded Grade: Y

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    1. That’s a beauty, Philly. I assume (I hope correctly) that the “anecdote” about Darren Wilson involves an actual person. I hope too that it is accurate. For the purposes of a Strong Opening exercise, you could be forgiven for inventing a scene, but if you use a real person’s name in your actual essay, published on a public blog, you’ll have an ethical obligation to officer Wilson.

      I appreciate that you incorporated so many of my recommendations. I’ll be even happier if they were strong object lessons that will help you make similar choices for yourself in the future writing.

      Coded Grade: W

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