Revision—Mechanics

Quotation Marks for Articles

UNCORRECTED
In the Milton Friedman’s piece The Island of Stone Money, I noticed an idea.

CORRECTED
In Milton Friedman’s piece, “The Island of Stone Money,” I noticed an idea.

Capital I
Quotation Marks for Articles

UNCORRECTED
When i came across the article by Milton Friedman named The Island of Stone Money I was intrigued.

CORRECTED
When I came across the article by Milton Friedman titled “The Island of Stone Money,” I was intrigued.

In-Text Citation, not parenthetical APA

Use in-text citation instead of the APA parenthetical method.

UNCORRECTED
Friedman also discussed an instance where the french technically owned some portion of gold. However, they never physically retrieved the gold, instead a deal was made with the U.S and was stored in a drawer on our homeland. (Friedman)

CORRECTED
In “The Island of Stone Money,” Friedman demonstrated the abstract nature of ownership with an anecdote in which the French took possession of some US gold not by physically retrieving it but by permitting the US to store it in a drawer labeled “France.”

Miscellaneous Grammar Corrections

1. Money only has value due to the fact that everyone wants it.
“Due to” means “caused by,” so your sentence would read:
Money only has value caused by the fact that everyone wants it.
You’d probably agree that a better version would be:
Money only has value because everyone wants it.

2. Money only has value because everyone wants it.
“Only” always modifies the word or phrase that follows it.
Your sentence, therefore, means: Money only has value. Which means the only relationship money has to value is that it has it. By that logic, money can’t earn value, lose value, find value, etc.
You’d probably agree that a better version would be:
Money has value only because everyone wants it.

3. Before people use to barter or trade for things they wanted.
The phrase for things often happened in the past is “used to.”
Your sentence, therefore, should be:
Before people used to barter or trade for things they wanted.

4. Before people used to barter or trade for things they wanted.
Your sentence needs a comma. If people used to barter at an earlier time, the comma follows Before:
Before, people used to barter or trade for things they wanted.
But since “used to” indicates clearly an earlier time, you’d probably agree a better version would be:
People used to barter or trade for things they wanted.

5. An example of this is trading cattle for different herbs, spices, or supplies.
Different from what?
An example of this is trading cattle for herbs, spices, or supplies.

6. Money however is a form of middle man.
When it interrupts a sentence, however is surrounded by commas.
Money, however, is a form of middle man.

7. Money, however, is a form of middle man.
Unless you’re going to distinguish between kinds or types or forms of middle man, you should avoid the words kind, and type, and form.
Money, however, is a middle man.

Take-Home Exercise

Use the Reply field to make one fluent sentence from this mess:

The softball game is cancelled due to the impending storm only threatening the different southern counties that are use to mild types of weather. Classes however will be held.

 

5 thoughts on “Revision—Mechanics”

  1. The softball game is cancelled due to the impending storm only threatening the different southern counties that are use to mild types of weather. Classes however will be held.

    The fact that the weather is only threatening the southern counties and the fact that they are used to milder weather is irrelevant to the fact that the game is canceled. Most people probably don’t care except that the game is canceled for any reason at all, just that it is.

    Classes will be held, however, the softball game is cancelled due to the impending storm threatening the southern counties who are use to milder types of weather.

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    1. The first two versions are almost as messy as the Sample, Knuckles, but the third shows skill and some near-mastery. “Due to” can’t be used in formal writing unless it means “caused by,” so it’s best never used. Your “however” is not a interrupter here; it’s a coordinator that starts a new clause, so it needs a semicolon. Unless there are several types of mild weather, your “types” is probably redundant.

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  2. The softball game is cancelled due to the impending storm only threatening the different southern counties that are use to mild types of weather. Classes however will be held.

    Because of the impending storm targeting southern counties, the softball game is canceled, however, classes will still be held.

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    1. Beautiful choices with one exception, AO. Your however doesn’t merely interrupt a single clause, it’s the conjunction that starts a new one. Here’s how to think about it:

      The softball game is cancelled.
      Classes will still be held.

      Those two sentences (independent clauses) need a period to separate them OR an equivalent. Semicolons do the job:

      The softball game is cancelled; classes will still be held.

      But when clauses are not sufficiently similar, transition words are required to indicate the logic. In this case: a contrast between the cancellation of a game and the non-cancellation of classes. However serves that purpose. So:

      The softball game is canceled; however, classes will still be held.

      That was perhaps a long explanation for a single semicolon, but if I did it right, you will never have to hear it again.

      Thank you for taking time out of your snow day to work the exercises. Be sure to leave Notes on the Agenda for WED MAR 21 so I can credit you with attendance.

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