Sentences that follow a negative verb with because create confusion for readers.
I don’t love you because you’re beautiful.
No man can safely say this to his girlfriend because she hears the negation first and doesn’t listen to anything else he says. Our readers, like the girlfriend, hear “I don’t love you,” and then believe what follows to be an explanation for our heartlessness.
We meant to say, of course, that we do love our girlfriend, but that she is special in many ways, only one of which is her beauty. But that’s not what we said. To make sure she listens to our entire declaration, not just the first four words, we need to revise our first draft:
Good: I love you, but not because you’re beautiful.
Good: I love you not just for your beauty.
BEST: I love you for your beauty and your generous heart.
Clearly (at least I hope it’s clear to you, gentlemen) the boldest, most specific, most straightforward claim, without negatives, is the best. And of these sentences, the best are those that eliminate the because altogether.
Take-Home Exercise
Copy these sentences adapted from student essays into the Reply field below and revise them for boldness, specificity, and directness. Replace negative verbs with positive verbs. (Example: replace didn’t resign with declined to resign)
1. Coats wasn’t fired because he was using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription. He was fired for violating workplace policy.
2. An employer isn’t able to fire a person who has anxiety because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job because he was smoking marijuana but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
BACKGROUND FOR 7-10: The director of the Secret Service ordered an internal review of its security procedures around the White House after a man armed with a knife who jumped the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on Friday night managed to make his way through the front door of President Obama’s home before being stopped, officials said Saturday.
7. Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired because of her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
Rowan Counterintuitive 
7. The swift actions of the Secret Service agents stopped Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the White House.
8. How the breach occurred is under question, but the Secret Service will not be compelled to explain their actions because of their appropriate response to the situation.
9. Julia Pierson’s incompetence might cost her her job, but she will not be fired because of her testimony before Congress yesterday.
10. The intruder was only carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade which did not warrant deadly force from the Secret Service.
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7. Nice.
8. How the breach occurred is under question, but the Secret Service will not be compelled to explain their actions because of their appropriate response to the situation.
[Failed to eliminate the “not because.” You say: “SS will not be compelled . . . because.”]
9. Julia Pierson’s incompetence might cost her her job, but she will not be fired because of her testimony before Congress yesterday.
[Failed to eliminate the “not because.” You say: “she will not be fired . . . because.”]
10. The intruder was only carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade which did not warrant deadly force from the Secret Service.
[Very nice, except for the “only abuse.” The intruder was carrying ONLY a knife. OR: The intruder was carrying a knife with ONLY a 4-inch blade. Whichever one you think makes sense.]
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Grade Neutral
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription.
2. An employer is prohibited from firing a person who is taking the correct medication to deal with anxiety.
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work since alcohol is legal, but in Colorado, so is marijuana.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired for treating the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him for using marijuana to ease the pain of his multiple spasms.
6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job since he was smoking marijuana on his own time and not at work.
BACKGROUND FOR 7-10: The director of the Secret Service ordered an internal review of its security procedures around the White House after a man armed with a knife who jumped the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on Friday night managed to make his way through the front door of President Obama’s home before being stopped, officials said Saturday.
7. The swift actions of Secret Service actions stopped Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain how it responded to the breach of the White House, but rather how the breach occurred.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired due to her testimony before Congress yesterday, but rather her incompetence.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder since he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired due to her testimony before Congress yesterday, but rather her incompetence.
[“due to” means “caused by,” not “because of.” If it meant “because of,” you would have failed to eliminate the “not because.” Either way, the clearer choice by far is: Pierson won’t be fired for her testimony.]
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Grade +1
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using a legal drug, marijuana, or for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription,
2. An employer has no right to fire someone who is taking the correct medication to deal with anxiety.
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work since alcohol is legal, but in Colorado, so is marijuana.
4. Coats should not have been fired for trying to treat the pain that he endures on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against a man who was trying to ease the pain of multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats smoked marijuana and wasn’t harming anyone at his job but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
7. The swift actions of Secret Service agents stopped Omar Gonzalez and he was not able to penetrate deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service isn’t compelled to explain its actions about the way they responded to the breach of the White House, but rather how the breach occurred.
9. The Secret Service chief Julia Pierson may have saved her job from her testimony before Congress, but her incompetence might have cost her her job.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder since he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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Nice work overall. No clear violations of the “not because.”
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Grade +1
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1.Coats was fired for violating workplace policy and not for using prescribed marijuana for a legitimate purpose.
2. A person who is taking the correct medications to deal with his anxiety issues, cannot be fired by an employer.
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work since alcohol is legal, but in Colorado, so is marijuana.
4. Coats should not have been fired for trying to treat the pain that he endures on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him for using marijuana to ease the pain of his multiple spasms.
6. Coats smoked marijuana at his own time and not at work and that wasn’t harming anyone at his job.
7. The swift actions of secret service agents didn’t let Omar Gonzalez penetrate deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service isn’t compelled to explain its actions about the way they responded to the breach of the White House, but rather how the breach occurred.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired due to her testimony before Congress yesterday, but rather her incompetence.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder since he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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Your overall good entries are a “little too close” in character to those of edwardnihlman’s above, including this one, which makes precisely the same mistake.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired due to her testimony before Congress yesterday, but rather her incompetence.
[“due to” means “caused by,” not “because of.” If it meant “because of,” you would have failed to eliminate the “not because.” Either way, the clearer choice by far is: Pierson won’t be fired for her testimony.]
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Grade Neutral
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1. He was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using a legal prescription drug, marijuana.
2. An employer is prohibited to fire a person because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
3. Employees keep their jobs even though they go out and have a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis, and he shouldn’t have been fired.
5. He was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana, and it is not fair to discriminate him.
6. Because he was smoking marijuana on his own time and not at work, Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job.
7. The swift actions of Secret Service agents wasn’t the reason Omar Gonzalez penetrated deep into the White House.
8. How the breach occurred is under the question that the Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions, and not the way it responded to the breach of the White House.
9. Julia Pierson will be fired because incompetence, and not for her testimony before Congress yesterday.
10. The intruder was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade, but this wasn’t the reason Secret Service agents used deadly force against the intruder.
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Backwards logic in several of these, Beyonce.
7. The swift actions of Secret Service agents wasn’t the reason Omar Gonzalez penetrated deep into the White House.
[No, of course not, but much more than that, their swift action WAS the reason he DIDN’T.]
8. How the breach occurred is under the question that the Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions, and not the way it responded to the breach of the White House.
[Huh? You mean the Secret Services isn’t being compelled to explain how the breach occurred.]
9. Julia Pierson will be fired because incompetence, and not for her testimony before Congress yesterday.
[You mean Julia Pierson will be fired FOR her incompetence.]
10. The intruder was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade, but this wasn’t the reason Secret Service agents used deadly force against the intruder.
[Your sentence clearly and incorrectly states that the Service used deadly force.]
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Grade Neutral
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1. Coats was fired for violating work policy, not for using marijuana, which is a legal drug that he had a prescription for.
2. An employee who is taking the correct medication to deal with anxiety cannot be fired for that purpose.
3. Drinking alcohol is legal so it does not get employees fired if they drink after work. Therefore, since marijuana is legal in Colorado, employees should not be fired for smoking outside of work.
4. Coats was trying to treat the pain he face so he should not have been fired for his condition.
5. Coats was able to use marijuana, like any other prescribed medication, to ease his pain so it is unfair to discriminate against him for doing so.
6. Coats smoked marijuana outside of work so he was not specifically harming any of his coworkers by smoking.
7. The swift action of the Secret Service stopped Omar Gonzalez from getting deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service successfully responded to the breach, however the fact that it happened in the first place is under scrutiny.
9.Secret Service chief Julia Pierson may lose her job due to her incompetence, not because of her testimony before Congress yesterday.
10. The intruder was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade so that Secret Service did not feel the need to use deadly force.
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Not always the most elegant sentences, but they do eliminate the “not because.”
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Grade +1
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1. Coats was fired because of violating work policy. Not for the use of illegal drugs such as, marijuana.
2. An employer is ineligible to fire a person who has to take medication to deal with anxiety.
3. Employees can’t get fired for drinking after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats was trying to treat his pain that occurred on a daily basis, for which this case he shouldn’t have been fired.
5. It is unfair to discriminate against Coats because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats smoking marijuana wasn’t hurting anyone, he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
7. Omar Gonzalez was stopped from penetrating deep into the White House because of the swift actions of Secret Service actions stopped .
8. The Secret Service is being compelled to explain how the breach occurred rather then how it responded to the breach of the White House.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired from her incompetence. But won’t be fired due to her testimony before Congress yesterday.
10. The intruder was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against him.
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1. Coats was fired because of violating work policy. Not for the use of illegal drugs such as, marijuana.
[You’ve created a fragment.]
4. Coats was trying to treat his pain that occurred on a daily basis, for which this case he shouldn’t have been fired.
[You mean: Coats was trying to treat his pain that occurred on a daily basis, SO he shouldn’t have been fired.]
5. It is unfair to discriminate against Coats because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
[The “because” is still a problem. You mean: It is unfair to discriminate against Coats FOR USING MARIJUANA to ease the pain of his multiple spasms.]
7. Omar Gonzalez was stopped from penetrating deep into the White House because of the swift actions of Secret Service actions stopped.
[Huh? You mean: Omar Gonzalez was stopped from penetrating deep into the White House by the swift actions of the Secret Service.]
8. The Secret Service is being compelled to explain how the breach occurred rather then how it responded to the breach of the White House.
[rather THAN]
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired from her incompetence. But won’t be fired due to her testimony before Congress yesterday.
[Wrong use of “due to,” which has no true purpose in English. Always eliminate. Try: Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired FOR her incompetence, NOT FOR her testimony before Congress yesterday.]
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Grade -1
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7. Due to the swift action of the Secret Service Omar Gonzalez did not get deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service reacted well to the breach, but because Omar was successful it should strike concern.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will most likely lose her job to incompetence, but not because of her testimony before Congress yesterday.
10. The Secret Service felt they did not need to use deadly force because the intruder was carrying a knife which only had a 4-inch blade.
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7. Due to the swift action of the Secret Service Omar Gonzalez did not get deep into the White House.
[“Due to” means “caused by” not “because of.” You mean: “Because of the swift action of the SS, . . . .”
8. The Secret Service reacted well to the breach, but because Omar was successful it should strike concern.
[Eliminate the “it” whenever possible. What’s “it”? You mean: “The Secret Service reacted well to the breach, but Omar’s success should strike concern.”]
10. The Secret Service felt they did not need to use deadly force because the intruder was carrying a knife which only had a 4-inch blade.
[Failed to eliminate the “not because.” You say “did not need . . . because.”]
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Grade -1
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1. Coats was fired for violating company policy, not marijuana use.
2. An employer can not fire someone for taking their medication for anxiety.
3. Employees are not fired for going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired for trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate him as he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job and he only was smoking marijuana but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
7. The swift actions of Secret Service actions kept Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain how it responded to the breach of the White House, but only how the breach occurred.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired due to her incompetence.
10. Secret Service agents did not use deadly force against the intruder because he was only carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Coats was fired for violating company policy, not marijuana use.
[Good but not brave: avoids the hard part of incorporating the other material.]
2. An employer can not fire someone for taking their medication for anxiety.
[GRAMMAR: Cannot is one word. Someone/their = number disagreement.]
6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job and he only was smoking marijuana but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
[Slippery logic.]
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired due to her incompetence.
[“due to” means “caused by,” not “because of,” so here is should be replaced with “because of.”]
Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired BECAUSE OF her incompetence.
Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired FOR incompetence.
10. Secret Service agents did not use deadly force against the intruder because he was only carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
[Leaves behind a “not because.” REVISED: Secret Service agents DECLINED TO USE deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying ONLY a knife with a 4-inch blade.]
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Grade -1
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7. The swift action of the Secret Service agents stopped Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain how it responded to the breach of the White House, but only how the breach occurred.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired because of her incompetence .
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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[7, 8, and 9, were very nice.]
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
[Leaves behind a “not because.” REVISED: Secret Service agents DECLINED TO USE deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying ONLY a knife with a 4-inch blade.]
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Grade +1
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1. Coats was fired because he was violating workplace policy. not for the use of marijuana.
2. An employer can not fire a person who is medicated for anxiety.
3. Employees can not be fired for drinking after work because alcohol is legal, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis therefore he should not have been fired.
5. It is unfair to discriminate against him for his use of marijuana to ease the pain of his multiple spasms.
6. Coats smoking marijuana on his own time and not at work did not harm anyone at his job.
7. Due to the swift actions of the Secret Service agents, Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain how it responded to the breach of the White House, but only how the breach occurred.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired due to her incompetence.
10. Secret Service agents did not use deadly force against the intruder because he was only carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Coats was fired because he was violating workplace policy, not for the use of marijuana.
[Good as far as it goes, but avoids the tough job of incorporating the other material.]
2. An employer can not fire a person who is medicated for anxiety.
[Cannot is one word.]
4. Coats was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis therefore he should not have been fired.
[Punctuation: Coats was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis; therefore, he should not have been fired.]
7. Due to the swift actions of the Secret Service agents, Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House.
[“Due to” means caused by and should be replaced with “Because of.”]
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain how it responded to the breach of the White House, but only how the breach occurred.
[Avoid negative verbs if possible: The Secret Service is being compelled to explain how the breach of the White House occurred, not how it responded to the breach.]
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired due to her incompetence.
[“due to” means “caused by” and should be replaced by “because of” or “for.”]
10. Secret Service agents did not use deadly force against the intruder because he was only carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
[Still contains a “not, because.” Substitute an active, positive verb instead whenever possible: Secret Service agents withheld deadly force against the intruder because he was only carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.]
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Grade Neutral
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not because he was using a legal drug for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription.
2. An employer is prohibited from firing a person who has anxiety because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
3. In Colorado, both alcohol and marijuana are legal, so employees don’t get fired for either going out and having a few beers or smoking a joint after work.
4. Coats didn’t deserve to be fired for trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. He should not be discriminated against, as the marijuana he is using is actually easing the pain of his multiple spasms.
6. Coats smokes marijuana when he is not at work, so he doesn’t harm anyone when he is at his job.
7. The swift actions of Secret Service agents prevented Omar Gonzales from penetrating deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service is only being questioned on how the breach occurred, not on why certain actions were taken in response to said breach.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson may be fired due to her incompetence, but not because of her testimony in front of Congress.
10. The intruder was only carrying a 4-inch blade, so the Secret Service didn’t use deadly force on him.
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2. An employer is prohibited from firing a person who has anxiety because they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
[Ambiguous. Does he have anxiety because he’s taking medication? No. Revised: An employer is prohibited from firing a person who is taking the correct medication to deal with anxiety.]
3. In Colorado, both alcohol and marijuana are legal, so employees don’t get fired for either going out and having a few beers or smoking a joint after work.
[“Either” is unnecessary. Employees don’t get fired for having a few beers or for smoking a joint after work.]
4. Coats didn’t deserve to be fired for trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
[Ambiguous. Did he deserve to be fired for something else? We can’t tell. Revised: Coats was wrongly fired for trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.]
7. The swift actions of Secret Service agents prevented Omar Gonzales from penetrating deep into the White House. [Very nice.]
8. The Secret Service is only being questioned on how the breach occurred, not on why certain actions were taken in response to said breach.
[Ambiguous “only.” Moved: The Secret Service is being questioned ONLY on how the breach occurred.]
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson may be fired due to her incompetence, but not because of her testimony in front of Congress.
[“due to” means “caused by,” and should be replaced with “because of” or “for.”]
10. The intruder was only carrying a 4-inch blade, so the Secret Service didn’t use deadly force on him.
[Ambiguous “only.” Do you mean he was carrying by not wielding or waving it? Moved: The intruder was carrying only a 4-inch blade, so the Secret Service didn’t use deadly force on him.]
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Grade Neutral
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1. Coats was fired because of workplace violations and not his per scripted marijuana.
2. An employer can’t fire an employee with anxiety taking their meds.
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. Discriminating against him is unfair because of his situation.
6. Coats smoked on his own time, harming no one in his workplace.
7. Omar Gonzalez didn’t get far into white house due to the Secret Service.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired because of her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a blade that is a legal length.
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1. prescribed
2. An employer can’t fire an employee with anxiety taking their meds.
[FFG number disagreement with employee/their. Avoid the pronoun when possible. Revised: An employer can’t fire an employee for taking prescribed anxiety meds.]
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal.
[You left behind a not/because problem. Can you avoid: “don’t get fired because”?]
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
[You left behind a not/because problem. Can you avoid: “shouldn’t have been fired because”?]
6. Coats smoked on his own time, harming no one in his workplace.
[Nice.]
7. Omar Gonzalez didn’t get far into white house due to the Secret Service.
[“due to” means “caused by” and should be avoided always unless it could be replaced by “caused by.” Here the best solution is an active, positive verb. The Secret Service prevented Omar Gonzalez from getting far into the White House.]
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
[You left behind a not/because problem. Can you avoid: “isn’t being compelled because”?]
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired because of her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.
[You left behind a not/because problem. Can you avoid: “won’t be fired because”?]
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a blade that is a legal length.
[You left behind a not/because problem. Can you avoid: “didn’t use deadly force because”?]
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Grade -1
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription.
2. An employer is prohibited from firing a person who is taking the correct medication to deal with anxiety.
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work since alcohol is legal, but in Colorado, so is marijuana.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job because he was smoking marijuana but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
7. Due to the swift actions of the Secret Service agents, Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain how it responded to the breach of the White House, but only how the breach occurred.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired from her incompetence. But won’t be fired due to her testimony before Congress yesterday.
10. Secret Service agents did not use deadly force against the intruder because he was only carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription.
[Nice.]
2. An employer is prohibited from firing a person who is taking the correct medication to deal with anxiety.
[Nice.]
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
[Ambiguous. Should he have been fired for some other reason?]
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him because he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
[Ambiguous. Is it fair for some other reason? Solved with “unfair.” Or: It’s unfair to discriminate against him for easing the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.]
6. Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job because he was smoking marijuana but he was doing so on his own time and not at work.
[You left behind a “not because.” Can you eliminate “wasn’t harming anyone because”?]
7. Due to the swift actions of the Secret Service agents, Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House.
[“Due to” means “caused by,” and should be replaced with “Because of” or replaced by an active verb. “Swift actions of the Secret Service agents blocked Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the White House.”]
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain how it responded to the breach of the White House, but only how the breach occurred.
[Positive verbs are always best. “The Secret Service IS being compelled to explain how the breach to the White House occurred, not how it responded.” ]
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired from her incompetence. But won’t be fired due to her testimony before Congress yesterday.
[Your second construction is a fragment. Combine. “Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired from her incompetence, not for her testimony before Congress yesterday.]
10. Secret Service agents did not use deadly force against the intruder because he was only carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
[You left behind a “not because.” Can you avoid “did not use force because”?]
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Grade Neutral
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using marijuana, a legal drug he had a prescription for.
2. An employer cannot fire a person for taking prescribed medication for their anxiety.
3. Employees aren’t fired for going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, however in Colorado marijuana is also legal.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired for trying to treat his daily pains.
5. He should not be discriminated against for using marijuana to ease the pain of his multiple spasms.
6. Coats was smoking marijuana during his own time, not during work.
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2. An employer cannot fire a person for taking prescribed medication for their anxiety.
[Pronoun disagreement: a person/their. Avoid the pronoun if possible: An employer cannot fire a person for taking prescribed anxiety medication.]
3. Employees aren’t fired for going out and having a few beers after work because alcohol is legal, however in Colorado marijuana is also legal.
[OK except it leaves behind a “not because” and needs punctuation. Revised: “Because alcohol is legal, employees aren’t fired for going out and having a few beers after work; however, in Colorado, marijuana is also legal.”]
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7. The Secret Service agents were able to prevent Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service is being questioned about how the breach occurred, not about how it responded to the breach.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson may be fired not for her testimony before Congress, but for her incompetence.
10. Even though the man was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade, Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against him.
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Particularly good:
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson may be fired not for her testimony before Congress, but for her incompetence.
Particularly good:
10. Even though the man was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade, Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against him.
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Grade +1
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1. Coats was fired, but not for using the legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription. He was fired for violating workplace policy.
2. An employer can’t fire someone for taking the correct medication for his anxiety.
3. Alcohol is legal, so employees don’t get fired for having a few beers after work. In Colorado, marijuana is legal as well.
4. Coats was just trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis; that is hardly a firing offense.
5. It isn’t fair to discriminate against him for using marijuana to ease the pain of his multiple spasms.
6. Coats was smoking marijuana on his own time, not at work, so he was not harming anyone at his job.
BACKGROUND FOR 7-10: The director of the Secret Service ordered an internal review of its security procedures around the White House after a man armed with a knife who jumped the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on Friday night managed to make his way through the front door of President Obama’s home before being stopped, officials said Saturday.
7. Because of the swift actions of the Secret Service agents, Omar Gonzalez was unable to penetrate deep into the White House.
8. How the breach occurred is under question, but not how the Secret Service responded to it.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Peirson’s testimony before Congress will not cost her her job, but her incompetence might.
10. The intruder was only carrying a knife with a four inch blade, so Secret Service agents did not use deadly force.
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These are very nice, Belladonna, and you’ve made them your own well-crafted sentences.
10. “only abuse”
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Whoops.
10. The intruder was carrying only a knife with a four inch blade, so Secret Service agents did not use deadly force.
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Grade +1
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription.
2. An employer isn’t able to fire a person who has anxiety due to the fact that they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
3. Age appropriate employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work, however, in Colorado marijuana is also legal.
4. Coats was wrongly fired for trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against someone who was able to ease the pain of their multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6.By smoking on his own time, Coats wasn’t harming anyone at his job.
BACKGROUND FOR 7-10: The director of the Secret Service ordered an internal review of its security procedures around the White House after a man armed with a knife who jumped the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on Friday night managed to make his way through the front door of President Obama’s home before being stopped, officials said Saturday.
7. As a result of the swift actions of Secret Service agents, Omar Gonzalez didn’t penetrate deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service isn’t being questioned on their actions, it is more so about, how the breach occurred.
9. Despite her incompetence, Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired for her testimony before Congress yesterday.
10. Deadly force was not deemed necessary against the intruder who was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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2. An employer isn’t able to fire a person who has anxiety due to the fact that they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
[Active positive verbs are better always: Employers ARE PROHIBITED FROM FIRING a person who has anxiety due to the fact that they are taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.]
[Then get rid of “due to,” which means “caused by.”: Employers are prohibited from firing a person for taking the correct medication to deal with anxiety.]
3. Age appropriate employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work, however, in Colorado marijuana is also legal.
[PUNCTUATION: beers after work; however, in Colorado]
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against someone who was able to ease the pain of their multiple spasms by using marijuana.
[Try for positive verbs always: It’s UNFAIR to discriminate.]
8. The Secret Service isn’t being questioned on their actions, it is more so about, how the breach occurred.
[The “it” will kill you every time. The Secret Service IS being questioned about how the breach occurred, not about their actions.]
9. Despite her incompetence, Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired for her testimony before Congress yesterday.
[Really nice.]
10. Deadly force was not deemed necessary against the intruder who was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
[Good one.]
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Grade +1
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1. Coats wasn’t fired because he was using marijuana, a legal drug he was prescribed.He was fired for violating workplace policy.
2. An employer isn’t able to fire a someone with anxiety who is taking their proper medication..
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work, alcohol is legal and so is marijuana.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired because he was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s unfair to discriminate against him. He was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Coats smokes marijuana, so to prevent from harming anybody at work he smokes on his own time.
.
7. Omar Gonzalez couldn’t penetrate deep into the White House defenses because of the swift actions of Secret Service agents.
8. how the breach occurred is under question which is why the Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its response to the situation.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired for her incompetence, not for her testimony before Congress yesterday.
10. The intruder had a knife with a 4-inch blade, so the Secret Service agents refused to use deadly force against him.
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1. Failed to eliminate the “not because.”
2. An employer isn’t able to fire a someone with anxiety who is taking their proper medication.
[OK, but why not substitute “can’t fire someone”? The meaning is clearer.]
3. Employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work, alcohol is legal and so is marijuana.
[Completed the exercise but created a runon.]
4. Failed to eliminate the “not because.”
7. Failed to eliminate the “not because.”
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired for her incompetence, not for her testimony before Congress yesterday.
10. The intruder had a knife with a 4-inch blade, so the Secret Service agents refused to use deadly force against him.
[Sure, but, would they have used deadly force if he didn’t have a knife?]
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Grade Neutral
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription.
2. An employer can’t fire a person that is simply taking the correct medication to deal with his/her anxiety.
3. Alchohol is legal, so employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beer after work, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats should not have been fired for simply alleviating the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It is not fair to discriminate against him for his marijuana use in order to ease the pain of his multiple spasms.
6. In order to avoid harming his fellow co-workers, Coats smoked his medicinal marijuana in his free time.
7. Omar Gonzalez failed to penetrate deep into the White House as the Secret Service agents swiftly halted his attempt.
8. The Secret Service is being questioned on how such a breach could have occurred, not about how the Service responded to breach.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired for her testimony before congress, but for her incompetence.
10. The Secret Service agents deemed the intruders weapon, a knife with a four-inch blade, as a minimal threat, so the agents did not use deadly force.
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9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired for her testimony before congress, but for her incompetence.
[Doesn’t eliminate the not because. Says first that Pierson won’t be fired. Better: Secret Service chief Julia Pierson WILL BE FIRED for her incompetence, not for her testimony before congress.]
10. The Secret Service agents deemed the intruder’s weapon, a knife with a four-inch blade, as a minimal threat, so the agents did not use deadly force.
[VERY NICE.] [But it needed an apostrophe.]
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Grade +1
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose in which he had a prescription for. .
2. An employer can not fire a person for taking the correct medication for their anxiety issue.
3. Alcohol is legal, therefore employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work. In Colorado marijuana is legal too.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired for treating his pain he received on a daily basis.
5. By smoking marijuana, Coats was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasm and therefore should not be discriminated for using marijuana.
6. Coats was not harming anyone at his job by smoking marijuana on his own time outside of work,
7. The swift actions of the Secret Service agents prevented Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service’s actions upon responding to the breach aren’t under question, but how the breach occurred is.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson could be fired for her incompetence in her testimony before Congress yesterday.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade. THIS SEEMS CORRECT
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10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade. THIS SEEMS CORRECT
IT ISN’T, under the terms of the assignment. Replacing the Not Because with a positive verb eliminates any chance of misunderstanding.
Secret Service agents DECLINED TO use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying ONLY a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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Grade +1
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7. The swift actions of Secret Service agents hindered Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the White House.
8. The way the Secret Service responded to the breach of the White House was acceptable, so only how the breach occurred is under question.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson’s job was saved due to her testimony before Congress yesterday. Her incompetence might cost her her job though.
10. Secret Service agents failed to use deadly force against the intruder since he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Coats was fired for violating work place policy, not for using marijuana, a legal drug for which he had a prescription for.
2. An employer isn’t able to fire an employee for taking the correct medication for an anxiety issue.
3. Employees don’t get fired for consuming alcohol, and in Colorado, using marijuana.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired for treating pain he endures everyday.
5. By using marijuana he controlled back spasms daily, he should not be fired for this.
6. Coats was smoking marijuana on his own time, which did not affect him in the workplace.
7. Omar Gonzalez swift actions against the secret service prevented him from entering deep into the Whitehouse
8. The Secret Service isn’t being compelled to explain its actions because of the way it responded to the breach of the White House, but how the breach occurred is under question.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired because of her testimony before Congress, but may be fired due to her incompetence.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder who was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Coats was not fired because he was using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription, but because he violating the workplace policy.
2. An employer cannot fire a person who has anxiety for taking his or her medication to deal with the issue.
3. Alcohol is legal, therefor employees cannot get fired for going out and having a few beers after work. In Colorado, marijuana is legal too!
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired for trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him since he was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms by using marijuana.
6. Because Coats smoked marijuana on his free time and outside of work, he wasn’t harming anyone else.
7. Because of swift actions of the Secret Service agents, Omar Gonzalez failed at penetrating deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service is being questioned on how the breach occurred, not on how they responded to the action.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson’s incompetency might cost her her job, not her testimony before Congress.
10. Deadly force was not necessary to use against the intruder because his only weapon was a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy. Not because he was using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription.
2. An employer is unable to fire a person because they are taking medication for anxiety.
3.Employees get fired for violating policy at work, not for going out after work and drinking a few beers.
4. Coats was trying to treat the pain he endured on a daily basis; therefore, he should not have been fired.
5. He was able to ease the pain of multiple spasms by using marijuana, so it is unfair to discriminate against him.
6. Coats was smoking marijuana on his own time, not at work, therefore he was not harming anyone at his job.
7. The swift actions of Secret Service agents prevented Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service is being compelled to explain how the breach occurred.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson might be fired because of her incompetence.
10. Secret Service agents refrained from using deadly force against an intruder carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Coats was fired for violating work place policy, not for using marijuana, a legal drug for which he had a prescription for.
2. An employer isn’t able to fire an employee for taking the correct medication for an anxiety issue.
3. Employees don’t get fired for consuming alcohol, and in Colorado, using marijuana.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired for treating pain he endures everyday.
5. By using marijuana he controlled back spasms daily, he should not be fired for this.
6. Coats was smoking marijuana on his own time, which did not affect him in the workplace.
7. Omar Gonzalez swift actions against the secret service prevented him from entering deep into the Whitehouse
8. The Secret Service is being questions due to explain how the breach occurred.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson won’t be fired because of her testimony before Congress, but may be fired due to her incompetence.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder who was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Coats was fired violating workplace policy, not for using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose for which he had a prescription.
2. An employer is able to fire a person who has anxiety if they are not taking the correct medication to deal with the issue.
3. Alcohol is legal, therefore employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work, but in Colorado so is marijuana.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired for treating the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. By using marijuana, Coat was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasms therefore should not be discriminated.
6. Coats was smoking marijuana on his own time and not at work therefore, he wasn’t harming anyone at his job.
7. The swift actions of the Secret Service agents prevented Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service is being questioned on how such a breach could have occurred, not about how the Service responded to the breach.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired for her incompetence, not for her testimony before Congress yesterday.
10. Secret Service agents obtained the knife with a 4-inch blade from the intruder, which meant they didn’t have to use deadly force.
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1. Coats was fired for violating workplace policy, not for using a legal drug, marijuana, for a legitimate purpose in which he had a prescription for. .
2. An employer can not fire a person for taking the correct medication for their anxiety issue.
3. Alcohol is legal, therefore employees don’t get fired for going out and having a few beers after work. In Colorado marijuana is legal too.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired for treating his pain he received on a daily basis.
5. By smoking marijuana, Coats was able to ease the pain of his multiple spasm and therefore should not be discriminated for using marijuana.
6. Coats was not harming anyone at his job by smoking marijuana on his own time outside of work.
BACKGROUND FOR 7-10: The director of the Secret Service ordered an internal review of its security procedures around the White House after a man armed with a knife who jumped the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on Friday night managed to make his way through the front door of President Obama’s home before being stopped, officials said Saturday.
7. The swift actions of the Secret Service agents prevented Omar Gonzalez from penetrating deep into the White House.
8. The Secret Service’s actions upon responding to the breach aren’t under question, but how the breach occurred is.
9. Secret Service chief Julia Pierson will be fired for her testimony before congress, but for her incompetence.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade.
So did they use force or not? This is still ambiguous. They may have used deadly force against him because he was carrying a missile launcher in addition to a knife with a 4-inch blade.
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1. Coats wasn’t fired because he was using marijuana, for which he had a prescription. He was fired for violating workplace policy.
2. An employer cannot fire person who has anxiety if they are making strides towards getting help and taking the correct medication.
3. Because alcohol is legal, employees cannot get fired for going out after work and enjoying a few beers.Marijuana is also legal in Colorado.
4. Coats shouldn’t have been fired for trying to reduce the pain he endured on a daily basis.
5. It’s not fair to discriminate against him for using marijuana to reduce the spasms he would have.
6. Coats would smoke at his own time, therefore, he wasn’t harming anyone at work.
BACKGROUND FOR 7-10: The director of the Secret Service ordered an internal review of its security procedures around the White House after a man armed with a knife who jumped the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on Friday night managed to make his way through the front door of President Obama’s home before being stopped, officials said Saturday.
7. The quick actions of the Secret Service made Omar Gonzales wary of penetrating deep into the White House. .
8. While the Secret Service is not being questioned for their actions, the reasoning behind how the breach happened is.
9. Julia Pierson, Secret Service chief, will not be fired due to her testimony before Congress, but her incompetence might put her out of work.
10. Secret Service agents didn’t use deadly force against the intruder because he was carrying a knife with a 4-inch blade, and could have possibly been carrying other weapons as well.
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*on his own time.
oopsies
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AO, you’re not correcting the problem of Not/Because. It’s tricky to HEAR the problem because we’re so used to speaking informally, but in more formal writing, the distinction is very important.
You say: 1. Coats wasn’t fired because he was using marijuana, for which he had a prescription. He was fired for violating workplace policy.
The first three words make a claim you don’t intend. Like the hapless guy who tells his girlfriend, “I don’t love you . . . ” for whatever reason. She hears the negation first and doesn’t listen to the reason.
COATS WAS FIRED. That’s the claim you want to preserve. So:
Is that a clearer explanation?
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Yes I can see how my version does not exactly state that he was, in fact, fired.
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Most of your answers avoid the problem I explained in my first note. Nice work overall.
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